Wishes Kept In a Jar.

And then it was just me....

Yep. Once again I'm single. No more Pine View boy... I am not creating this blog post to cry over it or say how much I hate him. Because I dont. I still love him. I believe I always will and that's fine. I am just learning how to cope without him. I have always had a problem with being alone. I hate it. The funny thing is I never realized that it's because I cant stand to be with myself. I am so used to focusing on other people so I have never looked at me. I haven't been happy with who I am. Just happy with how others can make me feel. Pine View boy had my heart, he had so much of it that when we split up he took all of it. I feel empty. Like a pumpkin you carve out at Halloween and its left with just it's walls. Like that pumpkin I have a happy face and I'm standing but still I am left hollow.  I know I will be fine, like they say time heals all wounds. I have also decided that dating isnt an option for me anymore. I want to be happy with who I am, in my own skin first. To do that I will have to face myself head on. I need to take time to realize that I am good enough to not need anyone. I hope all of you realize how wonderful you are. I also hope you realize that if someone loves you, trully loves you they will fight for you. If by chance they give up, or you become an option realize that it wasnt meant to be. You will be wounded, but you'll get through it. No one needs someone who doesn't need them. Be wise enough to realize that. I am now dedicatiing all my time to my job and the people in my life that I know aren't going anywhere anytime soon. I feel like I will survive just like I always have, broken or not. All I hope for is happiness for him and I. I hope everyday he wakes up remebering what it feels like to fall asleep with me next to him. I hope he misses me for a split second, then I hope he gets over it. I hope he understands. If he moves on I wouldn't be mad, I'd expect it. You can only do what you have too. You also cant help who you fall in love with. I am a lover. I give people my everything, all that I have. I think that's why I have lost faith in humanity.  How could you give someone everything, then know what it feels like to be hurt, but yet you'd hurt someone the same way someone hurt you. Its awful. I am not blaming him for our breakup it was both of us. I am just wishing people could work things out. That they could try harder to stay in love with people. I wish it would've worked out. I wish a lot of things. Here I am though, just me. Left with my wishes kept in a jar, somewhere deep inside. I will stay as strong as possible and I'll move on eventually... I'll be here healing.