Live Slow

It's time

for me to get a little girly on you guys. Prepare yourselves for this. Alright, all my life I have wanted to grow up, get married, have children and live happily ever after. Just like that. In that exact order. As a young adult of 20, I have seen everyone doing these things, getting married, having children, finding their soul mate, or maybe even just being single parents. For a while there I wanted what they have. I wanted it so bad because of the pictures and the Facebook updates and the ultrasounds. I wanted to boast about my child's first word or them learning how to walk. I secretly wanted to be like everyone else and have what they had. I was overly jealous that people could be so happy and here I was alone. Then I started doing things. I started online school. I am in orientation right now and we are all just people talking about the struggles we think we are going to face while going to school. I happen to be the youngest and so far all I have heard is how hard juggling children and work and school is. My classmates have talked about children getting sick, having plays or sports they need to be driven too, and the exhaustion of it all. They have also talked about how their children are their motivation, their reason why they are attending school now. My classmates say that their children are their motivation yet they complain so much about how their children are holding them back and making things difficult for them to get a degree. This is when I became proud of myself. I am happy I haven't found that happy ever after or had those children I have dreamed about because I don't think I'd be where I am right now. I am happy to say that I am going to college for the soul purpose of bettering myself. I am not going to school to prove a point to my children, or to better anyone else's life but my own and that feels wonderful. I want to be prepared and ready for when I decide to bring another human being into the world. I want them to know that your not obligated to have children right when you turn 20 or even 29 or even at all if you want that. Your soul purpose isn't to have a million children or make another person  happy. Your soul purpose is to live and be happy with the decisions your choosing to make with your life, to feel happy in your own skin. I wanted a child so bad because that's what everyone else was doing, because I felt like that would give me a sense of fulfillment or purpose. In reality, it would just keep me from having to explore and discover my purpose on my own. I don't want to have to tell my kids not to turn out like me, I don't want turning out like me to be a bad thing. I want to be an idol, someone to look up to. I don't want to say I'm glad I had children but I wish I would've waited. I think in order to do that it takes a lot of self reflection and exploring. I am not saying everyone is wrong for having children in their 20's I am just glad I get to use my 20's to discover myself, to create my own identity. I think your young adult years are important and you don't get to celebrate them if you are busy celebrating a child. I don't want to grow up fast anymore, my husband and children can wait. I want to be the best me I can be and love myself before committing my life to others. I think what I'm trying to say here is live slow. Live for the moment you get right now, don't be in such a rush to start a future or to grow up. Get your self prepared and ready to conquer anything, set goals and be crazy. I think my 20's are the years I am dedicating to myself, and I thank goodness I get the chance to do that. There's nothing wrong with living for yourself, and I know that later in life if I decide to have those kids or find my soul mate I'll be ready. I think the most important thing is to make the right decisions for you, and to realize that you don't have to do something or want something just because that's what everyone else is doing, make your own decisions and live your life for yourself.