Writers Block
sucks. I feel like I am stuck inside my jumbled thoughts so far deep that I cant escape. I write a line, then I erase it. I think of something else to write and then I erase that first sentence too. Its a never ending cycle of typing and deleting. I havent been myself lately to be honest. I am in one of those funks where you feel like doing nothing, like your hollow. I would like to escape that intraptment sometime too. It hurts and I'm sad, and quite frankly I have no idea why. I wish I could tell you, but sometimes I think you just have to be sad to be sad, to feel what sadness is. It is a terrible thing although, to feel like your hurting and not know why. Now I'm back to the writers block, I have been re-reading what I have already wrote over and over again for the past five minutes. Gah. Theres just so much I wanna say but if I typed it all out it wouldnt make any sense, my train of thought goes like this:
You make me happy It feels good to smile What to write what to write
I want to sleep I hate him for hurting me
I am scared to like you
Here we go again make it go away
I want to write my blog thats all Gah Think Meaghan THINK
this day is taking forever I hate him
I want wings for dinner You take away the pain
I miss my grandma my head is spinning He never deserved me
Is it nap time yet I hate him for hurting me
I want to be able to love Please dont stop being kind to me Maybe the nightmares will go away
I am stronger than this
I have anxiety You are so wonderful
anxiety attack here I come I am fine without him
My heart is hurting I miss my grandma
You take my breath away does it ever get better? Am I good enough?
Yeah basically I can't just focus on one thing. I feel like my brain could explode at any moment and it isnt fair. I think I worry to much. I worry about little things that I should just let be. I feel like I need to have control over everything and fix everything and I wish I didnt. I just want to be free and I think thats why I feel so conflicted and trapped, because my head and my heart are in a battle. I am sorry for those of you who have ever felt this way. It is definetly a hard thing to go through. Just remember, and I'll try to remember this too, its not always going to be bad and things will work out in the end. Dont put more stress on yourself then needed, learn to let go, to not over analyze everything. I will try to do the same. I just want to feel okay again, and the greatest thing is that eventually I will. I have just been dealing with a lot at one time and I need to realize that Rome wasnt built in a day, and that my heart wont be healed in a day either. I am sorry for the fact that this is such a rambling, dumb blog post, but I think I needed it. I needed it to realise my tension, to just write, even if it is nonsense. I hop that you all stay postive no matter what happens in your life and remember that you are stronger than you feel. Hopefully this awkward fase I'm going through will end and my writers block will disapear with it, until then I apologize for the wierd posts. I love you all and thanks for reading and being here for me when I need it most.
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