Searching for Something

Standing.

I step outside into the crisp air that makes it hard for me to breathe. Its still dark, as it is early in the morning. I can see the sun slowly rising up to greet the changing trees with kisses of light. I exhale heavly just to see my breath form in midair, I have missed being able to see how alive I am. I pull my hood over my head as though to hide my ears from the redness that the chill will bring them. I have my boots on, and hear them crunch the stiff leaves under my feet. I am wandering about in the dead of the morning. Everything is still, I feel awakened. The sun is now hitting the red leaves in a way that makes them look as though they are on fire. Its so silent I could hear the wind. My own voices in my head are the only other sound that I could hear. I love this season and how everything is changing, I feel it growing colder, darker, everything is getting ready for winter. I bundle my scarf up around my nose as it is now turning red as the wind refuses to stop hitting it. I feel fresh, full of life even though everything around me is slowly dying. The wind wakes me up in ways no one could describe. My thoughts are clear, and my senses become aware of everything around me. I smell someone baking near by, its early so I wonder if they are preparing for a family meal later in the evening. The armoa makes me hungry, makes me miss home. This weather usually makes me want to bundle up in a blanket with hot chocolate in hand, but here I am wandering about as though I'm in search of something. I am. I am looking for him. I saw him the other day wandering around like I am now. He had on a warm looking sweater, his hair a mess as the wind blew it out of its perfectly gelled state. I was staring at him through the window, watching him pick up leaves and admire them one by one as he then stuck them in his pocket. I was in love. I couldnt stop staring at this man, watching his every move. I needed to know him. Needed to feel what it was like to be close to him, to breathe him in. I didnt want to lose sight of him. I could've ran out of the house that very moment and told him how in love with him I felt. How in love I felt with a complete stranger. Would he have hugged me, jumped for joy? I am not sure because I watched him leave, watch him stroll down the street out of sight. I longed to see him again. I wanted to watch him admire leaves all day, in fact I wanted to admire leaves with him. I waited for days, every morning searching out of my window to see if he would stroll by again, nothing. Now I am the one strolling, in search for this man I have never even met. I am in awe, now knowing why he was out here so early searching for beautiful leaves. Everything is beautiful this early, untouched, not tampered with. Its perfect. It would be even better to have this inticing stranger by my side. I cannot find him, he is gone. Do I dare start knocking on doors? Or should I head home and try to get him out of my head? Would he be that easy to forget, knowing that I dont even know him? Or would he forever stain my memory with the perfect site of him in search for something beautiful? I cant give up, I am yearning to find him, to tell him. Maybe even show him that he is someone I have been longing to know. I want to be held in his arms forever. I want to be one of his beautiful leaves in his pocket. I am yearning for a stranger. Someone who only exsisted once, he is now gone. I will forever be in search of this soul who made me love to walk into the fall air just to search for him. I will find him. When I do find him I know I will be complete. I will feel whole, no longer broken. For I am a girl who is in search of my own special leaf.