Running Wild

Its a funny thing

how you can just wake up one day and your out look on life and your mood can just change. I remember I told myself to go to sleep that everything would be better once I woke up. I remember waking up yesterday and it was just that. I felt less hurt, less like a victim of a massacre. I thought of you once yesterday morning, and that thought was no more. I wont let you do this to me because I don't deserve it. I was stronger yesterday morning, I felt it in my heart, in the way it was beating and the way I was smiling. I told you goodbye yesterday morning, I told you that you can no longer make me feel like this without even being in my life. I want to be someones something but not the something you made me. I want to be a good something, a something someone somewhere cant live without. A something that makes sunshine when its raining, that drinks coffee and loves the smell of fall. I want to be someones backbone, someones strong point when they are weak, someones best friend. You, you just wouldn't let me be those things and I understand, you were comfortable where you were and I was wild, a kind of wild that couldn't be tamed. The second thing I realized yesterday morning is how much I want some one else to be those things for me. I want them to be the calmness that illuminates my heart, like the feeling of laying in a rocking boat that hits the shore while tied to its post. I want someone to even me out, to understand that I will run like a lion hunting for food, yet they want to be the energy that calms the lion long enough for it to sleep. You weren't those things and I tried to mold you so that you were, I wanted to twist your heart into everything I wanted, wanted to pull at your skin until you gave in. You couldn't because like I realized yesterday morning, I was to much for you, to loving, to overwhelmingly happy with my life and you were none of those things were you? You were content in never changing, while I wanted to chase change and swallow it whole. I am a lover, a fighter, and you never have been you are content with giving up, with letting good things run away and get loss in the abyss. I realized yesterday morning that I never needed you like I thought I did. I have myself and I am good enough. After realizing all this, I realized that your not someone I'd fight for, that I can let go. I let go yesterday morning, let go of the hurt, the sadness, the lies and most of all I let go of you. I watched you fade away for long enough there was no use in hanging on. Yesterday morning was a big step I have been wanting to take and I don't know how I did it. I woke up knowing that it was okay that I didn't need you like I thought I did. I woke up with a feeling of relief. You will wake up one day and notice the fire is out in your life, that laughter is gone, the spark that I almost lit in you will no longer be a spark, it will be dull and lifeless. I hope when this happens you think of me, of the laughter you pushed away,  of the honesty you made me forget people had, and of the wild girl that you tried to break down. I hope in that moment you realize that wild things cant be tamed and dull things cant be ignited. I am finally free, there is no cage you could lock me up in that could tame my heart, you forgot that didn't you, oh how you forgot.