I want to do more than Exist, I want to Live.

Stop planning everything

stop it right now. You don't need everything planned. You don't need to know what is happening tomorrow or the next day. You just need to go for it sometimes, to let loose, to be free. Your life is happening right now and every second is time lost if your not doing what you love. If your not sure what school to go to, just pick one, any one. If there are kinks they will work themselves out in the end because whats meant to be is meant to be. If your struggling its for a reason, either its for a blessing or a lesson. I have spent to much time planning my life, planning what my future husband is going to look like, what my future house will be shaped and molded like, with its high ceilings and a giant bookshelf in the living room. I want to tell you something right now. That isn't living, you are just existing in an imagination that you have no control over. Someone once brought it to my attention that I have always been in such a rush to grow up, to have that husband. I was missing out on my life right at this second. I was missing out on fun times I would've had. You have to live your life while you know you still have it. Nothing is guaranteed ever. That is why its important to love the people you have, to understand that any second can be your last one. I can no longer dwell on my past and the people who didn't want me, the people who couldn't except me because that's not important. It shouldn't be important to you either. What is important is those people who tell you how much they love you, even if its very few people. I don't have a lot of friends but I don't really need them. I don't have a boyfriend but I don't really need one of those either. You have to love your life for the things and people you do have, for those very few people in my life are a huge blessing. I have been through way to much to be sad, you have to take everything as it comes. There would be no sunshine without the rain. You have to stop wishing for a future that isn't guaranteed and stop worrying about if you and that one guy are going to work out or not. If it is supposed to happen with time it will, until then live in the moments and excitement you have now. That future boyfriend isn't everything, neither is that future house. You'll have those things one day so why worry about it now? You have to love your life, every second of it. I am done planning every single thing, because it causes stress and disappointment when those things I planned so well don't end up happening. If you don't make a plan you wont ever be disappointed because you wont ever be so sure about what is going to happen. Stay positive, be real, honest, humble and live for the joys your already blessed with. Hard times make you stronger and you have to remember to just breathe and that it happened for a reason, even if your not quite sure what that reason is. Stop planning for futures that haven't come yet or that are a long ways away, it doesn't matter how hard you plan they will work out how they work out anyways. Realize how blessed you are to be alive breathing, to have people who surround you with love who support you. My life starts now, no more existing. I hope you'll start yours too and realize how much happier you will be not planning every single thing, just live.