Let someone love you

Let someone

love you. I don't care who it is. Your mom, grandma, best friend, or a total stranger. Let someone tell you your beautiful because you are. Don't moan and grown about it, soak it up and say thank you instead. Let someone in, let them touch your heart in ways you cant yourself. Love is a powerful thing, and even though its scary just trust it. It will be worth it I promise. Pain is nothing compared to the strength of love. I have looked for love in all the wrong places with all the wrong people. Its not something we humans don't want, we yearn for it. I think the problem is once we find it we don't know what to do with it. Let it in. Be open but be exact with what you want. There is a difference between someone using you and someone loving you.. Take time to figure out what that difference is and be stern with what you want. I want someone to love me. I don't want to be used and except that as some form of shallow hidden love, I no longer want a puddle I want the whole damn rain storm. Loving yourself is important, but letting others fall in love with you is important too. Half the people in this world would die  to have what you have, to have parents who tell you they love you every day. They would die to have someone hold their hand and take their face and kiss it. Stop taking that for granted. Us humans get as shallow as that puddle I was talking about, we forget what love truly means and how it truly feels. Stop forgetting. We need more kindness, honesty and definitely more love on this planet. We have enough hate and negativity to make the happiest person break and bend at their seams. Why? Why do we have to hate each other? Trust me its harder and takes a whole lot more energy than love does. Being scared takes way to much energy too. I'm sick of being scared. I just want to fall in love and for it to be real. I want to start excepting compliments and giving them more often too. If we all loved one another there would be nothing to be afraid of. We all have room for improvement and room for more love in our hearts. I am starting now, I want to live my life without fear, with love and knowledge that loving someone can make them love someone else. A good deed never goes unnoticed, but neither does a bad one. I want to be known for greatness, for good things and happiness, for love. Let the right person love you, and the two of you could conquer the world. Let your family love you, and you'll grow into something wonderful. Love isn't as scary as it seems and even if it was, its worth it. Live your life and love deeply.

If I climbed into your skin

I just

want to crawl into your skin. Pull it over my feet and zip it up at the nape of my neck, so that I can feel what you feel. I want to know what you think, what you dream about, and if I ever give you secret chills just by touching your arm. If only I could swim in your thoughts and drown in your pleasures. I want to open you wide up and discover if you really love books as much as I do, or if you think the sunset looks like fire. I want to know the thoughts you don't tell me, and the feelings that you hide. I want to hear that repeating song that plays in the back of your head to keep you happy. If only I could be a noodle that you swallow whole, then work my way into energy and soak into your cells. I want to have your beautiful laugh and get to listen to it all the time. I want all the mysteries that are inside you to open up to me so that I hear them.  It scares me to be sitting on the outside, unknowing. It scares me that all I hear are the words that spill out of your mouth and soak into my head. I cant see them or feel them they are just temporary versions of things I'm not quite sure of yet. I want proof, to know that what you say is real. I want to be the one saying them so I know how it feels, feels to be honest and let your words become my words. I want to not be afraid because I know you inside out, I want to be in your head so I can see whats really there. If only we could trade bodies so that I could feel your intentions and breathe the breath you breathe. I want to feel your dreams becoming mine, and learn how you whistle like a happy song bird. I want your brain to tell me if you really like coffee, or if you'd prefer to drink water. I want to jump inside your body and examine your soul, so that I can see if your hurting or if your really as strong as you tell people. If only there was an entrance that was easy to discover, a door that sits in plain site waiting to be opened. I crave to know how you feel when your sitting all alone. How you picture your future and if I'm any where in it. I want to know things that I will never know. If only I could crawl into your skin, but then, then you would have to crawl into mine and make a home there. You'd have to discover my irrational fears and my thoughts, you'd climb into my skin and stir up my soul and realize that it was always open and stirred up by you in the first place. If I climbed into your skin would it have been open and honest all along?

Fall in love

If your going to

fall in love with me, theres something I must tell you. I don't have perfect hair in the morning and my morning breath would put yours to shame. If your going to fall in love me remember how I look without make up, and that I wont always have it on. If your going to fall in love with me I hope its for the way I laugh and the fact that my nails aren't always painted. I hope your remember what I look like when I'm sad, and know that its a phase. If your going to fall in love with me, you must know that I like to cuddle, even when your mad at me. I hope you fall in love with my anger and the way I cry in frustration. If your going to fall in love with me please let it be for the way I dance barefoot around the kitchen regardless of who is home. Remember that I'm hard to love, and if your going to fall in love with me you must except that too. If your going to fall in love with me, I hope its not for the way I wear dresses and do my hair, but more for the way I look in sweat pants and a hoodie. I want you to remember that if your going to fall in love with me it must be for the craziness, the sarcastic moments, and the way I'm always honest. If your going to fall in love with me, remember that I love my family and don't be mad when I decide to visit them every weekend. Please make sure to love me for the clumsy feet I have, and the way I can't see while driving at night. Fall in love with the way I chew my food and the way I cant say the word specific. If your going to fall in love with me, fall in love with every flaw I have ever had, because those, those are my back bone.If your going to fall in love with me, fall in love with everything about me that you hate because even though you hate it, that is also who I am. Fall in love with the way I hog the blankets, and the way I probably snore. Fall in love with my compassion and the way I breathe when I'm calm. Fall in love with my soul and the way it aches to be with you when your gone. If your going to fall in love with me, fall in love with every part of me, the way I tick, the little habits I have. If you cant fall in love with these things then please, just don't fall in love with me at all.

Humans who make you Happy

Once

I found myself in this house, laughing with this guy who loves fish tanks and building computer monitors. Yes. I said computer monitors. We spent all day yesterday learning the ins and outs of this computer building stuff. All I remember is words like motherboards and others that I will not repeat because like me, you probably wouldn't understand them either. I also remember that I had a weird calling for it, I told him to flip a part upside down because he was shoving it in the wrong way, he denied that I was right until it actually worked. He is nerdy, and knows way more about things than I do. He can literally recite every single line from Princess Bride (that's a movie). He built salt water fish tanks as a job, yes his actual job! He sold reefs and stuff like that from his house, it amazes me. We have become really close friends in the matter of a week and a half. I met him on a dating website, how lame does that sound? I didn't think I'd be one of "those" people and here I am. We have spent almost every single day together (shockingly). We do the most random stuff, from searching music videos on YouTube for hours, to long boarding until our legs hurt. He makes me laugh, and when it comes to picking friends or dating I want to tell you that that's very important. We have so much in common its scary, I'm pretty sure we could finish each others sentences if we wanted. We would just rather not freak each other out. I once confessed about playing Rune Scape with my brother and for some reason he's been shocked about it ever since. It lead to us playing Mind Craft for hours and building some kind of house. If you don't know what Rune Scape is or Mind Craft I'll just say one thing, nerdy, good time fun. He builds fires and lets me watch Lord of the Rings all I want. We both think coffee and tea are the only liquids that need to be consumed. The thing I like the most about my new found friend although, is the people he surrounds himself with. He is a good caring guy and he surrounds himself with people who are also exactly that. He told me once that you turn out like the 5 people you choose to mostly surround yourself with. I believe that this is true. Last night it was him, his roommate Bryce, Bryce's girlfriend Nicole, his brother Ben and I. We all had so much fun just hanging out, singing, building a computer monitor and eating pizza from the Pie. (Which is the best pizza place ever!) We didn't need drinking, or smoking or a party we just laughed, sang and made jokes. I love that he chooses genuine positive people to surround himself around No one was sad or down or didn't like each other. We all just enjoyed ourselves and each other. I think this is what makes me respect him and look up to him the most. He is always so positive and wants the same for the people around him. I believe hes one of those genuine good people that you just know puts off an Ora of happiness and therefore everyone who is around him is happy too. He makes me want to be one of those people, to never be sad or down because what is there to be down and sad about? Life is beautiful. I hope everyone gets a chance to meet someone like John. To experience true happiness just by being silly and random with the company of someone who also likes to be silly and random. I want to surround myself, and soak up all the energy I can get from John, Nicole, Bryce, and Ben. They are all such good positive people and they make me laugh. Find people like that and there's no way you can be anything but happy. Remember that the people you choose to keep in your life will influence you weather it be positively or negatively. I am happy to say that with my family, and my new found friends there's no way that anything negative could touch me again. I hope you all look for that sorta feel good stuff.

Never Stop Playing

One day

you will wake up and you will realize that the little girl you once was has disappeared. Sad isn't it? That you must grow up and start being told that fairy tales don't exist. You will shout why not over and over again, you will have heartaches, make mistakes, pay bills. Eventually that little girl you once knew as yourself will have been lost between the scattered papers on your work desk, and the thought that naps are fun. I cant imagine you this way, without your imagination, with your blank view on the thought that trees are just trees and unicorns don't exist. Why cant you stay here with your imaginary friends and your laugh that you have even though things aren't funny? Who says you must grow up and do your hair, wear lipstick, and high heels? What happened to playing dress up and feeling beautiful with nothing on but a ballgown? Who ever told you that you needed that make up to cover up the parts of your face that make you who you are? What happened to you running around naked and feeling fine in your own skin? That little girl is hiding and you wont let her escape, trapped between boyfriends, and your job with all its seriousness. I miss you dancing without a care in the world, I miss your starry eyed expression you first had when seeing a pool. Why can't simple things like that ignite a spark in you? You were once filled with mistakes that involved coloring on the wall and jumping so high on the bed you fell off, now its nothing but wrong men, and not bringing a jacket when it rains. You no longer dance in the rain do you? There's no puddle jumping, no splashing with bare feet. Fight for that little girl back, make her part of who you are regardless of what age you are becoming, no one said you couldn't imagine unicorns or trade lipstick in for laughs. Dance in the rain barefoot, wear a ballgown and feel beautiful. Stay young, skip the nap even if your tired because I know you still remember how much you used to hate them. Do things that make you feel silly, that are immature, because who says you cant? Keep that spark in your life, watch Disney movies and have pillow fights. Stay up late and imagine the castle you'll one day have. You have to remember what it means to have fun, to enjoy your life without the hiding between books, lipstick, or pretty high heels. Laugh like you mean it, and cry from all the laughter. Imagine your a princess, and feel beautiful naked. This is your life and who said being an adult had to be boring? Be smart be responsible but don't forget what makes you happy, don't forget late night hikes or running through the sprinklers. You may be old by numbers but you have a young soul that is dying to get out. We all have some little child deep inside us wanting to explore the world and do exciting things. To often do we shut that child down and replace them with a nagging adult or someone who "cant do that because they are old". Be young and wild and don't forget where you started off, don't forget the joy you can bring yourself and the world if only you let go and live.

My Bucket List

Last night

just so happened to be a family girls night at my house. We all had so much fun playing dare without the truth part. We also all decided to write a bucket list. Which to be honest was really hard for me, as you all know I don't spend to much time thinking about what I would like to do. I didn't want to forget this bucket list or lose it amongst all my other papers so the best thing I thought to do was to write it on here. That way I'll have it forever and maybe you guys will get some ideas to start making your own bucket list. For those of you who don't know, a bucket list is a list of things you'd like to do before you die. With that being said here's mine and I might add more later on so keep checking this post:

1.) Travel the world, get a souvenir from each place I visit.
2.)Live somewhere new and exotic
3.) Go to Disneyland
4.) Graduate College
5.) Be Spontaneous
6.) Live carefree, stop stressing!
7.) Live in the mountains for a week
8.)Save a stranger
9.) See the northern lights
10.) Conquer my fear of heights
11.) Go to Hawaii
12.) Have a hammock in my backyard
13.) Get a puppy
14.) Be in two places at once
15.) Learn Spanish
16.) Meet new people
17.) Make sure to always stay positive
18.) Plant a tree
19.)Save an animal
20.) Be more grateful for what I'm blessed with
21.) Learn how to play the Piano
22.) Ride a camel
23.) Have children
24.) Fall in love
25.) Buy a house
26.) Go skinny dipping
27.) Swim with the elephants
28.) Stay up and watch the sun rise from a rooftop
29.) Get a passport
30.) Learn how to surf
31.) Take a cooking class
32.) Have a pen pal
33.) Have an indoor swing in my living room
34.) Become a grandma
35.) See a Meteor Shower
36.) Horseback ride on the beach
37.) Go wine tasting
38.) Laugh until I cry
39.) Name a star
40.) Make a campfire without using matches
50.) Stay at an ice hotel
51.) Laugh more
52.) Have a romantic Valentines day
53.)Have a meaningful conversation with a stranger
54.) Eat a meal in the dark
55.) Take a self defense class
56.) Learn how to tango
57.) Buy some one's meal or groceries
58.) Learn fluent Sign Language
59.) Swim in the worlds largest swimming pool
60.) Paint my front door a different color from my house (Green or Aqua) A happy color
61.) Have throw pillows on my couch
62.) Dont plan so much of my future
63.) Wake up happy everyday
64.) Dance like no ones looking
67.) Stop being so afraid
68.) Drink less coffee
69.) Compliement strangers more
70.) Plant a garden
71.) Say I love you often
72.) Take a train to New York City
73.) Visit Pebble Shore Lake in Montana

Let some light in

You have to

let people in. Why are you running scared? Why would you be scared of someone who is already scared of you? Open your heart up, crack that thing wide open and discover the love that you can have for people and the love people can have for you. I recently made a new friend, a great one at that. We already have a great relationship because we aren't running scared. We are just being. Just be, just show people the good that your made of. You cant live out of fear because of your past. Not everyone is as bad as your ex, or as bad as that bully in high school. There are good people in this world and you have to open up to them to find that out. I believe in just diving in, just laugh, tell people your secrets, because if they are genuinely good they will except you for those secrets. I myself no longer have secrets. Why hide things that could help someone, that someone can learn from? Is it because your ashamed that you went through those secrets? Don't be, whats there to be ashamed of? At the end of the day those secrets are secretly what made you who you are, what made you learn and grow. I want to share my heart with people. I want to be a genuinely good open soul, not because I have to but because it feels good. I want to surround myself with people who feel the same way. People who aren't afraid to be themselves, to laugh and to cherish the good instead of dwelling on the bad. Who said we had to complain everyday about little things? If your complaining stop, let those complaints go and fill your body with good things to say instead. Trust me you'll feel much better because of it. I haven't been the best at taking this advice, then I met that new friend. He has taught me a lot about being happy, about living your life for the good things instead of the bad. I appreciate him for that, for showing me what happiness really means. It means not stressing over the little things, it means laughing at dumb YouTube videos, doing the things that you love and making sure to remember why you love them. Its simple things that brighten up your day. I was second guessing meeting my new found friend, I pictured it being awkward and us not knowing what to do or say, I was running scared. In the end it wasn't anything like that. I underestimated someone I had never even met. How can you do that? How can we say we wont enjoy someones company without even trying? When it comes to people just go for it, meet new friends, make sure to see the old ones. Stop running from things that could be beneficial. I don't know what I was afraid of, but it would have sucked if I didn't end up meeting up with him, i would've ended up not having someone who is very beneficial to me in my life. Give people the benefit of the doubt, stop being so scared of things you don't know about, stop being negative. You learn something from every situation you go through, it just all depends on how you let it effect your life. I think we should all let people in, because everyone is different which means there's so much to learn from everyone you meet. I never regret a past friendship, a past love because they influenced me into the great person I am today. I am happy genuinely happy but that's because I have tried so hard to look at the negative in a positive light. Don't miss a chance to let someone change your life, to let someone teach you something new or tell you a story. You never know what you might get out of it. I have learned so much positive things in the last couple of days from someone who was once a stranger to me, from loved ones who I have know all my life and that, well that is just simply beautiful. Let people in, don't be afraid to learn a thing or two when you do either.

Running Wild

Its a funny thing

how you can just wake up one day and your out look on life and your mood can just change. I remember I told myself to go to sleep that everything would be better once I woke up. I remember waking up yesterday and it was just that. I felt less hurt, less like a victim of a massacre. I thought of you once yesterday morning, and that thought was no more. I wont let you do this to me because I don't deserve it. I was stronger yesterday morning, I felt it in my heart, in the way it was beating and the way I was smiling. I told you goodbye yesterday morning, I told you that you can no longer make me feel like this without even being in my life. I want to be someones something but not the something you made me. I want to be a good something, a something someone somewhere cant live without. A something that makes sunshine when its raining, that drinks coffee and loves the smell of fall. I want to be someones backbone, someones strong point when they are weak, someones best friend. You, you just wouldn't let me be those things and I understand, you were comfortable where you were and I was wild, a kind of wild that couldn't be tamed. The second thing I realized yesterday morning is how much I want some one else to be those things for me. I want them to be the calmness that illuminates my heart, like the feeling of laying in a rocking boat that hits the shore while tied to its post. I want someone to even me out, to understand that I will run like a lion hunting for food, yet they want to be the energy that calms the lion long enough for it to sleep. You weren't those things and I tried to mold you so that you were, I wanted to twist your heart into everything I wanted, wanted to pull at your skin until you gave in. You couldn't because like I realized yesterday morning, I was to much for you, to loving, to overwhelmingly happy with my life and you were none of those things were you? You were content in never changing, while I wanted to chase change and swallow it whole. I am a lover, a fighter, and you never have been you are content with giving up, with letting good things run away and get loss in the abyss. I realized yesterday morning that I never needed you like I thought I did. I have myself and I am good enough. After realizing all this, I realized that your not someone I'd fight for, that I can let go. I let go yesterday morning, let go of the hurt, the sadness, the lies and most of all I let go of you. I watched you fade away for long enough there was no use in hanging on. Yesterday morning was a big step I have been wanting to take and I don't know how I did it. I woke up knowing that it was okay that I didn't need you like I thought I did. I woke up with a feeling of relief. You will wake up one day and notice the fire is out in your life, that laughter is gone, the spark that I almost lit in you will no longer be a spark, it will be dull and lifeless. I hope when this happens you think of me, of the laughter you pushed away,  of the honesty you made me forget people had, and of the wild girl that you tried to break down. I hope in that moment you realize that wild things cant be tamed and dull things cant be ignited. I am finally free, there is no cage you could lock me up in that could tame my heart, you forgot that didn't you, oh how you forgot.

I want to do more than Exist, I want to Live.

Stop planning everything

stop it right now. You don't need everything planned. You don't need to know what is happening tomorrow or the next day. You just need to go for it sometimes, to let loose, to be free. Your life is happening right now and every second is time lost if your not doing what you love. If your not sure what school to go to, just pick one, any one. If there are kinks they will work themselves out in the end because whats meant to be is meant to be. If your struggling its for a reason, either its for a blessing or a lesson. I have spent to much time planning my life, planning what my future husband is going to look like, what my future house will be shaped and molded like, with its high ceilings and a giant bookshelf in the living room. I want to tell you something right now. That isn't living, you are just existing in an imagination that you have no control over. Someone once brought it to my attention that I have always been in such a rush to grow up, to have that husband. I was missing out on my life right at this second. I was missing out on fun times I would've had. You have to live your life while you know you still have it. Nothing is guaranteed ever. That is why its important to love the people you have, to understand that any second can be your last one. I can no longer dwell on my past and the people who didn't want me, the people who couldn't except me because that's not important. It shouldn't be important to you either. What is important is those people who tell you how much they love you, even if its very few people. I don't have a lot of friends but I don't really need them. I don't have a boyfriend but I don't really need one of those either. You have to love your life for the things and people you do have, for those very few people in my life are a huge blessing. I have been through way to much to be sad, you have to take everything as it comes. There would be no sunshine without the rain. You have to stop wishing for a future that isn't guaranteed and stop worrying about if you and that one guy are going to work out or not. If it is supposed to happen with time it will, until then live in the moments and excitement you have now. That future boyfriend isn't everything, neither is that future house. You'll have those things one day so why worry about it now? You have to love your life, every second of it. I am done planning every single thing, because it causes stress and disappointment when those things I planned so well don't end up happening. If you don't make a plan you wont ever be disappointed because you wont ever be so sure about what is going to happen. Stay positive, be real, honest, humble and live for the joys your already blessed with. Hard times make you stronger and you have to remember to just breathe and that it happened for a reason, even if your not quite sure what that reason is. Stop planning for futures that haven't come yet or that are a long ways away, it doesn't matter how hard you plan they will work out how they work out anyways. Realize how blessed you are to be alive breathing, to have people who surround you with love who support you. My life starts now, no more existing. I hope you'll start yours too and realize how much happier you will be not planning every single thing, just live.

"Thats the thing about Pain, it demands to be felt" - John Green

I am sick and tired

of feeling sick and tired. I'd like to start of by saying how I feel. I mean really feel. No more of the I'm strong I got this coverd stuff. Let me be honest when I tell you how broken I feel, how wierd down to the core I feel. I cant describe it very well so that you will know what I mean. So heres me trying. I feel torn like an old sweater that was once white and crisp but now has been through the washer to many times and has grass stains on the elbows and rips in the seams. I am not broken just torn. I am not well put together but I'm not not falling apart either. I am just here. I have tried so many things to make this heart aching feeling dissapear, I've tried talking to you, tried not talking to you. I've tried dating, not dating. Pole dancing, not pole dancing. Hanging out with friends and sitting at home eating junk until I puke. I have ran on the tredmill until I cant anymore, until my face was red and I felt like I could faint. These are just short pain stoppers and then I have to sit down, I have to sleep, to relax and every memory I have of you comes to me in a wave that doesnt stop until I'm doing something again. Why do we have to feel this way? I am sick of hurting, I feel like its been long enough, that some strange being should take this feeling off of my hands and bury it in my backyard so deep that no one will ever find it or need to feel it ever again. I am shouting on the inside of my skin, screaming that something needs to get out, but what? I cant cry anymore, I cant scream, cant feel sorry for myself. I just plain hurt. I am trying to escape but I cant run. Its eating me alive and the worst part is watching you. Watching you live, watching you be absoultly fine without me and its frusterating. I am angry, angry that I have to hurt and you dont. I know its selfish but if only you felt what I did, if only you fell in love with my by accident. I want to run away from myself, look back and see myself so far in the distance that I'm just a speck because maybe the pain will stay there, there with myself that I now abandoned. I have been hurt before but it's never felt like this and it confuses me. I know everyone needs to feel heartbreak and pain at least once but I'm now exhausted with it. The pain has swallowed me up and eaten my whole. I cant pretend its not there anymore because it is threatening to take me over. I feel like an addict that was never warned that you can get addicted to people too. I feel like I'm coming out of an addiction that is threatening to make addiction what defines me. People tell me time heals all wounds and pretty soon I wont even realize you gone but I dont think they considered that maybe thats what Im afraid of. Afraid that once I forget  you I'll forget what it felt like to be with you. How I felt laughing and laying next to you. Your slowly fading while the pain of our memories are deeply enbedded into my heart. I want you to take them with you so they dont haunt me, store them in a box in your addic where they will never be seen again, yet I want to soak them up, engulf them  into my skin so that I can remeber what happiness feels like. I hope they are right, that time heals all wounds even this one because there is nothing I can do, its a gapping hole that gets bigger every second your away. I am afraid I will relapse and it will be a mistake because you dont want me, you just feed my addiction, you know that I need  you. If time heals this wound I know I will have a scar, a scar that aches with the sight of your face, or the memory of our once favorite movie. That I could live with because it will mean recovery it will mean that I dont have to hurt anymore you will just be a scar a scar that is no longer a gapping wound. I am ready to heal even if that means time, I am sick of feeling this way all because of someone who didnt understand what I have to offer. Pain wont swallow me whole unless I let it, and I swear I wont, hopefully...

Backbones and other things

Grow a Backbone

thats the advice I want to give to people. Backbones are strong, they hold you up right. More people just need to learn how to use it. Have you ever felt used, unwanted or rejected? I know I have. The beauty for me in the sentence, have a backbone is that to me it means to stand up for yourself, realize that whatever happens  to you, you CHOOSE to let that happen. People let others influence them way to much. No one can tell you how to feel, its your choice on how you choose to react to things. My little sister, who is awesome, driven and has the smile of an angel, has been bullied for most of her High school carreer. She let those bullies tear her down, let them inflence a lot of her thoughts until one day she had enough, I like to believe she grew a backbone and a strong one at that. My little sister let those things go, let those people go, ignored them and moved on with her life. I dont feel bad for people who tell me their pity party stories of life. You are allowed to be sad, allowed to hurt, but its what you do with that energy that matters. Dont unpack your heart, get out a blanket and hide in those sad, hurting moments. Grow from them, I mean it. Grow that backbone that you need to have before its to late and all you are is a peice of skin and sadness, bitterness. One day youre sad, then a week goes by and youre still sad, then before you know it youre always sad and this is your life. I dont want to be that person, and I dont want anyone else to be that person either. That is why I grew a backbone, I got sick of letting others influence my life to the point that it was no longer mine, it revloved around everyone but me. I'm done with all that, that one guy can no longer make me sad, I can no longer be used by him, certain family members can no longer tell me what to do, how to feel. I am free and wild. I know now how to say no to things, how to say yes to other things, I am learning how to not let people's thoughts or needs effect mine. Dont you dare feel sad for people who choose to dwell in their own sadness, anger, or whatever. Everyone has the ability to change thier own lives, that is the beauty of it, if we didnt we would all be mindless and stuck in the ground by roots or nails. I have my backbone, and I did what I needed to do to get it. I have suffered, and I have been through more than I thought I could handle, but I'm fine. I wouldn't be who I am without the experiences I have had and I realize that to the fullest. Life is a precious gift that you dont have forever, live for the moment, do what makes you happy right this second and dont worry about the future, it will play itself out. I cant live my life for something that I dont know is going to happen yet, that just sounds silly. I dont know if I'll find the love of my life but why spend half my life searching for that? I am done searching, there is nothing to be searching for. Your life is right here, right now and people dont realize that, they spend half thier lives waiting for a fairy tale. I no longer want a fairy tale, I want to live. I want to do things because I can, I want to be stupid and carefree because I have that option. I dont need regrets in my life, no one does because at one time that thing was exactly what you wanted. What is there to be sad about? You are alive, you are living, and there is so much out there for you to be happy about, to explore, to wander. Grow a backbone and some wings and use them. Because you are in control of your life and who you choose to become, what you choose to do with it.