Finding Love In Disaster

I recently hurt someone I trully love by doing something selfish. To be completely honest I didnt even know how much I loved this person trully until making this huge mistake. You never know how much someone can mean to you until your about to lose them. My advice,don't wait until your about to lose them to decide. It hurts more than words can describe. I dont think I have ever been trully loved by any guy I have ever been with, except for this one. Why is it that when we have something good we ruin it or run? Is it because we are scared to fall and take the chance of getting hurt or is it for our own selfish reasons? Then again, isnt it selfish to let someone fall for you, and yet hold your feelings back out of fear? Nobody deserves to fall and not be caught. I think thats what hurts the most, is that I hurt him, its not his reaction, or how I felt, it was letting him down and breaking his heart that hurt. The problem was I was to afraid to let him in so I didnt let myself have the chance to realize what he really meant to me, until I was completely honest and volunerable to him. The problem is it shouldnt of taken a mistake for me to let him all the way in. I was just to selfish and scared to think otherwise. I think you finally reach a point where your sick of putting up walls, your sick of being scared and you just want to be in love and be loved back. I think thats the point I'm at now. I'm a turtle without its shell, completely open and voulnerable to him. The sad part is it took a disaster to discover that. It took me hurting him to realize how much I loved him becuase I couldnt stand the thought of losing him. The scary part for me now, is knowing that I'm completely open and he has shrunk back in his shell because of a disaster I created. I know what your thinking, how could you of hurt him this bad if you "love" him? I'm not making up excuses or justifying myself but I always have thought its easier to hurt than be hurt. Well I was wrong. It's actually ten times harder. It's the cowardly, selfish way to distroying something that has the potential to be great. Now your probably just getting sick of listening to me ramble. So long story short, if you have the slightest feeling of love for someone, dont run, dont hide, dont ruin it, face it head on and embrace it. If you get hurt, trust me in the end it will be worth knowing that you gave it your best shot and you loved someone without fear, without hesatation, and without doubting if they love you back. Dont wait until you've screwed everything up because then you'll just be fighting a mistake you made and holding on to a thread of hope that you can make someone love you without fear, without hesitation and without having them doubt if you love them back.