Birthdays for Angels

Today 

is my grandmas birthday. Except my grandma isn't here celebrating it with us, shes celebrating it with angels. (if angels even celebrate birthdays). I am sure they do and I am sure she is doing the "put the lime in the coconut dance, we used to do in the kitchens at family parties in a line, with all her angel friends on top of the clouds. Two days ago was my birthday, and on the day before my birthday I went to visit my grandma. I had to because I was turning 21 and I had some questions to ask her. I wasn't ready to be turning 21 without her here. I sat by her grave and I talked to her. I asked her so many things and I cried. I sat there and cried because I wished so much that she was there to respond, but it was sunny outside in the month of February and the sun warmed up my back. I took that as a sign that everything was going to be okay, that turning 21 might not be that hard. Today is a happy day because it is her birthday, but there are clouds in the sky and its hard because she isn't here to hug and laugh with us. Her being gone never gets easier. She was our angel on earth and now shes our angel in the sky. I am scared about how fast time is going and how long she has been gone, it feels like we lost her yesterday. My cousins are growing up without her here, I am growing up with out her here and that makes things hard. I know shes watching us, noticing how wonderful we are becoming but its hard not to be able to hug her or hear her laugh. Its hard to not miss her, to not think about her everyday. I wonder what she would say if she were here, I wonder what kind of party we would be having and if she would lie about how old she was and laugh her warm laugh. My birthday was hard without her, and her birthday is even harder without her here. My Facebook news feed is filled with my family members posting pictures of her and all of us, smiling and laughing together,to telling her happy birthday. Its good to see her face covering my computer screen, its good to see how happy we all made her. Its good to see her smile. I know in my heart that she is having a wonderful birthday in heaven. The hardest part is just for those of us who are down here, we miss you. I love you so much and I miss you grandma! I hope your birthday is going fantastic! Thanks for always watching over me.