Rough drafts and Candles.

It is

11:06 PM and I am wide awake. Due to the fact that I have the cold/flu that has been going on. I thought to myself what better thing to do than to sit here with my candles flickering and to write a blog post. My room is the definition of peace and tranquility so it is as good of place as any to write on my blog. I have recently been thinking about things, about ex's, new encounters, new friends, old friends, and of course old encounters. My life has been filled with people coming and going. Of people loving me and then changing their minds or loving me and not changing their minds. I have been thinking about how this has made me who I am, how the universe has blessed me with lessons, with love, with kindness. I thought how great is it for once to be alone and not actually feel alone? I used to sit in my room while my boyfriends were busy hanging out with their friends and think about how much I hated sitting here. I hated thinking and reflecting on my life and the person I was because I wasn't happy, I wasn't enough for myself. I had to always be busy. There was no such thing as tranquility in my life at the time. I was not in any way, shape, or form at peace with myself. I don't know why that is, if it was insecurity, past decisions, or past relationships I just felt the way I felt and the way I felt was miserable. I am alone more now than ever, no boyfriend, my best friend is getting married, my siblings are growing up and getting jobs and for some reason something hit me that told me that all this was all okay. That it was okay to be alone because in reality I am never ever really alone. Its okay that life happens, and sometimes it happens without you and you get to sit and marvel about how good it is for others to be happy. How good it is to sit with yourself and just watch. I never wanted anything. I just wanted someone to love me. I came from a shitty past of people not loving me enough, and the biggest part of it was one of those people who was not loving me was myself. I have never told myself that, I always blamed my unfulfilled needs on someone else. Until I started spending more time with myself and realizing what I was doing to me, to my self-esteem. I am so happy with where my life is at now. I am happy to be single, I am happy to be surrounded by good loving people. I am so damn happy that I found my tranquility, that I said enough is enough. Please for your own sake do not forget what it feels like to love yourself. Do not suffer yourself for the sake of others. Be at peace with who you are, be happy with who you are. Your love belongs to you. Think about that, your love is yours to do whatever you please with it. Do not just throw it away. Live in this moment, grab your own tranquility.


( I wrote this a couple weeks ago and never posted it. I kept it as a rough draft for who knows why. I am just going to post it now because I love it.) Stay beautiful my friends!