2 am Heartbreaks

My heart is racing 

I can feel it deep down in my core, yearning to say yes. Yearning to except heartbreak into my life. The hardest thing that you will ever have to do is to say no to heartbreak. You see, heartbreak doesn't represent itself like it is. It doesn't show up knocking on your door filled with tears and sorrow. It doesn't show up at 2 am and end up with you on the bathroom floor sobbing telling you to eat a gallon of Ben and Jerry ice cream. Nope, heartbreak is smarter than that. Heartbreak shows up at your door in the form of a brown haired, blue eyed boy saying sorry and to forgive him, that he is different. It shows up all dressed up and ready to have the potential to be whatever your heart desires. Heartbreak is evil that way. It wears a mask and hides the pain, the tears. It shows up as a friend request on Facebook or a "like" on a photo you posted sending a shock to your system without you even knowing how it happened. Heartbreak will always be everything you ever wanted tied up in a bow and delivered to you with promises that its something different. The hardest part is convincing yourself that its not, nor will it ever be anything different. Its package is different, filled with different promises, different hopes but underneath it is dying to tear you apart, to watch you in your 2 am moments as you cry, staring at the tiles on your bathroom floor that are now a blur. Heartbreak sends you in circles and eventually leads you right back where you started, shattered and empty. Heartbreak is your own personal demon, you know how it will end but its package is so perfectly wrapped, so full of hope and arms that could keep you safe, at least for the moment. So you give in, you embrace your heartbreak and you wrap it in your arms until it decides to swallow you whole, until it uses you up and spits you out. Then 2 am comes a lot sooner than you thought and your left there, surrounded by your own heartbreak, the heartbreak that was once not so heartbreaking. Your engulfed in it and you feel it in every inch of your body, in the heaving sobs that wont stop, the feeling that your own heart is being tugged right from under your rib-cage. Heartbreak is tricky like that, it knows you. It has seen you around many times before. Heartbreak is smart and it knows how to come in the form of love, in the form of something you'd always hoped it would be.  Heartbreak comes dressed up as everything you have ever wanted, it comes as a fairy tale, most of all it comes in a camouflage of love. Heartbreak is your own personal, up close demon, heartbreak is love in its purest form.