Who am I?

Sometimes 

I read through my own blog. That is right I read my stories over and over. I don't know if its to get a sense of what is happening in my life because most of the time I am not entirely sure, or if it is just to remember what I wrote. Some days after reading them I think to myself what is this? What am I becoming? Did I really write that? Then I think about deleting it, all of it. Not because I hate my blog, its nothing like that. Its because sometimes I do not know who that girl writing is. She is often sad and confused, often full of overwhelming things. Its raw. Its raw to read things about yourself that you are so open about on paper yet shut off inside when it comes to real life. Its often hard to read what I write. Its hard to believe I once felt that way. Its also hard to believe the strong moments. The posts that are built up and towering with strength. Those ones are hard too because sometimes I do not remember feeling that strong. Then I remember that I am that strong and I sometimes, yes sometimes break down. I always wanted my blog to be positive. I wanted there to be a take away, a happy ending, something someone could learn from me and my writing. Sometimes I notice my blog doesn't have that, and that depresses me, that is what makes me want to hit the delete button. How can I write a  blog that isn't meant for inspiring for uplifting? Lately I have been a negative Nancy, nothing too inspiring about that at all. So I asked myself, what kind of person do I want to be? What kind of person do I want to be for myself? For others? For the people I love? Who do I want to be? The answer is just Meaghan. I want to be uplifting, inspiring, independent, loving.  I want people to want to be around me, I don't want to be smothering, I don't want to be hateful and sad. That is just not who I am, therefore I do not know who the girl writing my blog posts lately have been and I want to apologize to my readers for that. I haven't been myself lately. In fact, I don't know if I have ever been as much as myself as I am now. I feel stronger, more independent and that is a wonderful feeling. Being positive feels wonderful! Getting over the humps is what it takes, and it feels so good to get there. It feels refreshing to be able to leave my phone in my car when I am shopping or doing fun things, the text messages can wait, everything on my phone can wait.  I do not need to be attached to anyone. It feels good to let go, to live and do things I want to do. I want to be more supportive and understanding, I often let my emotions cloud my vision and I get angry or sad over stupid little things. Id like to change that. I am all about self improvement and I believe I have finally found myself to be able to improve who I am. I am finally comfortable in my own skin, no more being insecure or sad. I know who I want to be, I know the person I am striving to become and she is not the person who has been writing this blog. Do you know who you want to be and what you are willing to do to become that person? Stay positive and radiant and remember, you got this.