Wednesday, October 29, 2014

What are Imperfections worth?

I looked at you


and I saw the exact person I wanted. You were flawed, messy, hard to deal with and I soaked you in like a plant soaking up the sun in a window pane. You were the light of my heart. Someone that filled me to the brim with happiness. It amazed me how you could do that, fill me so full just by sitting there, staring at me. You had a strange gravitational pull that sucked me in and swallowed me without me even giving up a fight. You were your own kind of dysfunctional beauty, you were not perfect, not by a long shot and that is what captivated me the most. How can you love perfect? How can you love something that isn't flawed, that doesn't have a scar or two? You need someone scuffed up, rough around the edges like you are. I loved you for your imperfections, for our two a.m fights and our three a.m make up sessions. You would kiss me like your life depended on it during those make up sessions, you'd hold me and we would say sorry to each other. It would all be okay for one more night. You were not perfect, neither was I, and neither was our love but that is what captivated me, what dragged me by my hair and stuck me right in the middle of all of it. There is something about an imperfect love that you cannot resist. It might be for the fact that love isn't supposed to be perfect, it is messy and flawed and sometimes it hurts like hell, but the beauty of it is how you can push through those things, how you love someone so much that all the fights, all the pain becomes worth it because simply put, that person is worth it. You were a free spirit, wild crazy, and untamable and who was I to tame you? You ran free, blessing everything you touched with a soft soft love that could take over the world. This is how you took over my soul, piece by piece, smile by smile. You took all of me, every once of me that I had left in my soul and swallowed it, you engulfed me in a love so passionate so strong that I thought nothing could tear us apart, we were one. You were something else, unlike any human I have ever met, it was so easy to love you, so easy to take full stock of you and say this is him, this is the man I have been waiting for. You took my heart, squished it in a backpack and rode of into the sunset with it. I was madly in love with someone who was not perfect, someone who knew how to fight with me, who knew how to be stubborn and angry. Who knew how to push my buttons, but I learned that pushing those buttons was a test, a test of my strength of my will to fight for you and never give up, because I was a fighter, a full blown, hell raising fighter. Your love could move mountains, and it made me realize that I could move mountains for it. I could pay you back, I could fill your lungs with so much love that you could gasp at the thought of it. I could be your flawed, imperfect person and you could accept me, because I accepted you, all of you. You could breathe me in like some kind of drug and get drunk off of the smell of my perfume. I could be everything you wanted. I could drown you in a sea of kisses, like you drowned me. Love is tough, loving you was even tougher, but I did it over and over because you deserved it. You deserved that kind of love, the kind you fight for. Regardless of your imperfections, regardless of mine. We deserved each other, we deserved a kind of love that could move mountains, that could shake the earth. That kind of love doesn't give up, that kind of love is forever binding. That is the kind of love I crave, your love, your imperfect, shaken love, that is what I want, but this isn't a fairy tale,I am not a princess, and you are definitely not my prince.

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