Heavy Hearts and Understanding Human Talk

"The Biggest

communication problem is that we do not listen to understand. We listen with the intent to reply." This quote is something that I have been analyzing and trying to fix within myself for a very long time. When we are fixed with rage, anger, hurt or sadness we do not care about anything besides defending ourselves. It is a selfish act that usually causes more hurt, resentment and arguing. I think that we as humans, can be really selfish sometimes. We do not try to understand where other people are coming from, we live in an "its all about us" mindset. When you break that mindset and start realizing how important it is to try and understand where others are coming from you will see a change within your life. Most people do not do things with the intent to hurt others, they usually have something personally going wrong within their own lives which causes them to act out. Not taking the time to really listen and understand where they are coming from makes them feel the need to protect themselves therefore this leads to arguing and raised voices. What people do not understand is that you do not have to reply to a conversation immediately, tell the person you are thinking and analyzing what they just said, you also do not have to yell back if someone is already yelling at you. Take your time. Think about what you want to say and what the right thing to say is before just blurting something out out of anger or hurt. Analyze what others are saying. If someone you care about is screaming at you that they hate you, what are they really trying to say? Chances are they are trying to say "you hurt me, I am angry, and I do not know what to do about it" Refrain yourself from yelling back that you hate them too. That only escalates the problem and means that you were not really gathering all the information that the other person was trying to give you. Humans are flawed in the sense that we suck at communicating. We do not know how to say what we really feel, out of fear, hurt, or anger. Be the person to break that cycle. Remember to listen to understand not to reply. I guarantee that you will also feel better and less worked up because you are no longer fighting, you are working on resolving, and trying to figure out how other people feel and what you did or didn't do to make them feel that way.It could even make you a better communicator, changing the "I hate yous" into what you really mean to say. Half of the problems people have have nothing to do with you, your mind just takes everything personally so you convince yourself that their problems are caused by you. What others do not want to admit is that they are most likely the cause of most of their own issues, so they tend to blame the people they care about. Do not take it to heart, like I said, analyze and respond in a way that will solve problems not escalate them. Yelling at someone has never solved one of my issues I do not know about yours but I am guessing you agree. Listen to understand, not to reply and your view of people and yourself will change. Stay positive, even in arguments or disagreements, things aren't always how you see them to be, neither are people.