I am
done. Done trying to analyze every one else's behavior. I don't know why people hurt each other if you want me to be honest. I don't know why your husband left you, why you cry at night about a best friend who fell out of your life. I don't know why people do bad hurtful things to someone they "love". I wish I had answers for you. I wish we could analyze these things and find answers. I wish forgiving someone for doing something you can't explain, for doing something you don't have answers too was easier. I really do. You put trust in people and give them parts of you and they make mistakes. That is it. Mistakes. You can ask them why a million times but I don't believe that they know why either. Maybe they were caught up in a moment, maybe they were confused, lost, hurting from something or some one else, maybe they just needed that situation in that exact moment. Who knows. What I do know is that it hurts you. I can see it, its all over your face. Strangers could see the pain radiating from your smile from a mile away. It hurts you to try and forgive them, to fight to believe them again. Or it hurts to not have them in your life, to watch them walk away with someone else, to hear them say that you are just two different people, that your growing apart. I know it hurts. I see it in your eyes, the way you look when you talk about them. I see it. I know how it feels to not have answers to something that was so devastating, to not know why. It makes you feel like you were just getting punished for something you don't know you did, or something you didn't even do. People hurt each other, people make it hard for you to trust them, to except them, to believe that they are honest. It scares you, I can see that too. It makes you feel like trust isn't an option, but you don't know what you would do without them in your life because you love them. That's right. I know. I see it. You still love them, that's why it hurts. You still want them in your life, that's why it hurts even more. You want to except that apology, or you want to except that they are now gone, unable to hurt you. You cant though can you? Here is my advice. Here is my strength. Forget about it. I know its hard. Your brain pulls it right back up every time you open a door, or you see them, or you hear a name. Your brain is a filing cabinet. It will keep it there, but its your choice on how you choose to listen to the information your brain is bringing up. Its in the past now, what matters is what is happening now. What matters is the process of moving on, or the process of forgiveness. Stop questioning why it happened. Just think it happened, theres nothing I can do about it and this is where I am at now. Learn from it, learn to never except that behavior again, once is a mistake, twice or three times is a choice. Grow from it. It was painful yes, but you will heal with time. Understand that in the bigger picture of it all their mistakes and choices ultimately had nothing to do with you. Did it effect you? Yes of course, but was it about you? No it wasn't. It wasn't because your not skinny enough, pretty enough, funny enough. It just simply happened. They made a choice with their life that made them become in the wrong spot at the wrong time, and now they too have to choose to either grow from it or let it eat them alive. The only person it is hurting to dwell on it, is you. Maybe there is no answer as to why it happened, maybe it just simply happened. I know your confused. You don't know what to do, if forgiving them will be a mistake, if not fighting for them back will be a mistake. How about you don't worry about it? Just live your life with those who make you happy, if they make you happy spend time with them. Spend time with them without bringing the past up. Spend time laughing and playing and just enjoying every second you have. Live in the moment and the right things will fall into place. Don't let yourself be used, but don't put yourself in misery either. Stand up for yourself protect yourself, but be happy with yourself and trust yourself enough to handle your own situations and situations that may arise. If they make the same mistake again, you'll figure it out when it happens. If they don't, you'll be happy you accepted them in your life, and you'll figure that out when it happens too. If you choose not to have that person in your life because you feel like you don't need them then that is good too. Live for the moments you have now, not the future, the past. Just smile and live your life, things will play themselves out in time. In the wise words of Bob Marley, Don't worry, be happy. <3
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