Be Bold.

I'm scared

was the caption on a blog post I tried to type the other night before my laptop somehow deleted it when I was almost finished. I was almost done. I was just about to add a cute little photo with a saying on it and then it was going to be posted for the whole world to see. It said something a long the lines of being scared to move out, to grow up, to become the adult that I am becoming without a choice. I was going to look at a house the day after writing that blog post. Okay let me rephrase that, I did go look at a house the day after writing that blog post that didn't get posted. Its a cute house above my city's college. I was nervous because I would be sharing this cute little house with 3-4 other girls my age. I was scared they wouldn't like me, or maybe I wouldn't like them. I was scared I wouldn't be able to afford it again. I was just scared of everything. Long story short I went and looked at the house anyways. I found out about the house from a girl who works with me, she lives there and loves it. I don't know her really well we just say hi to each other in the mornings since I am the receptionist. I was scared about not knowing her. I went to look at the house and the girl that owns it was going to give me a tour and go over the details but she wasn't able to make it because she had to stay late at work. Brittany, the girl I work with, ended up giving me a tour and told me that I can reschedule with the owner to get more information about the house. We ended up just sitting and talking for an hour after the tour. We talked about random stuff, from movies, to moving, to the lack of friends that we both seem to have. I really enjoyed talking to her and the house was beautiful. I felt at home. I realized how ridiculous I was being the day before. I realized that being scared doesn't mean that growing up cant be fun. You have to try things, give things a chance before you automatically assume what is going to happen. Things aren't always as bad as you make them seem in your head. I have always been scared that I'll grow up and not be responsible anymore, not take responsibility for my actions or choices. I have been afraid that I will end up like a role model that I had that was much less than a role model. As I grow up slowly though I realize that wont ever happen because I'm not this so called role model. I am nothing like her actually. Its not in my morals to become irresponsible. I am not saying shes a bad person either, I'm saying this role model made bad choices that I have been terrified my whole life about making too. I have been scared that since we share the same blood we share the same fate, but the reality is that we don't. We never will. I am glad I didn't post that blog post about how scared I was because I am no longer scared. I am excited, excited to grow and learn things from people who surround me with love. I know that was only two days ago that I was scared, but taking that step and seeing that house made me realize there is nothing to be afraid of. I got this grown up thing on lock, things aren't always going to be easy and I will have to work at it, but why should I be afraid of something I had to become a long time ago? I feel like I had to grow up at a young age and make choices that a young person shouldn't have to make, but now these are choices I should be making. Choices I should be thinking about so that shouldn't scare me, it should excite me. Making adult choices should light a fire within me and make me understand my freedom that I finally have. It shouldn't make me want to crawl in a hole or ask everyone else what I should do with my life, they aren't me they don't have to live it. I do. I finally have control of the outcome of how I live, and I want to live bold. The same should go for you, don't be afraid to live your life. I have been afraid for way to long. I know how it feels to want to rely on people and not make your own choices but I think once you make the first step you will feel strength and you wont be so afraid to grow. Don't be scared, be bold. You got this, change can be a good thing if you let it be.