Moving On Up.

It's funny

how you can trust someone without them even giving you a reason to. You just fully believe that they are being honest and you have no proof you just put your trust in them, they havent gave you a reason not to but they also havent gave you a reason why you should. You just do. It's also funny when that backfires on you. When one day you catch them spilling out a lie, or even better you walk in on them living the truth they have covered up with deceit. Then that lie they have been caught telling or doing is running through your head 24/7 thats all you can think about. You even wake up in the middle of the night screaming with anger, your blood boiling with that image or sentence that also haunts your dreams. You feel nothing but hard boiling anger, there is no tears and you wish there was because it would be more satisfying and could be relased better than the anger that eats your heart away. Trust me I know exactly how it feels because I  have lived it. Recently someone I thought I loved did something that showed me the opposite. The best part is after you catch them, when they are shocked and are still trying to lie about the actions you have seen them doing. That is when the anger starts and you just want to scream at them to be honest for once because you have already caught them. The saddest part is they wont. This is because they arent good enough for the truth, they arent strong enough to stand up and admitt to the low life person that they are. The hurtful part is even though you know its a lie you still want to  beleive them, you want so badly for it to have just been a bad dream, and for the "nothing happened" speech to be the truth. You start thinking to yourself what if nothing did happen? What if I was the only one they needed and what I saw with my very own eyes was a lie? Then you muster any strength you have left in you to say no. No it was all real, I was there and I will not be manipulated, even though the truth hurts and going along with the stupid lie seems easier. I wont be a victim to anymore lies, I will no longer suffer for someone who doesnt care about me, who used me and washed me up, filled me with lies that were actually believable. It makes you angry that your actually asking yourself why your not good enough for them, why you couldnt make them happy. You just want to stop, to understand that it wasnt you, you werent the cause of someones need to be a horrible person. It hurts because you can't, because at one time that person was exactly enough for you, they were all you needed but it didnt go both ways. You were a toy, someone to be tossed around and kept for lonely nights, and in case something else didnt work out. All thats left is anger, anger towards them for not just letting you go sooner, for keeping you there, making you suffer. Angry at the person who stole them away from you because you know they were meant to be. More meant to be then you and them would have ever been, and that's because  that person is just like them. They are liars, they will fall for their trap and think that they were the only one for them and then suffer the same fate you did. You wont feel at all sad about this because that person is as awful as the person who lied to you, who led you on. You will feel satsifaction knowing that you survived and you are moving on while they get to go through the same fate of suffering, being used, and having to face the lies that they live. You will be angry for a while, and you will want to get even, my suggestion is to get even by moving on. They will regret everyday the moment they lost you because you are wonderful. You will move on and they will have to watch that in pain knowing that they are the cause of  your happiness, your happiness that doesnt include them. You no longer need them and that will hurt them more than they hurt you. You will survive and you will conquer keep your head up and remember you dont need anyone in your life who doesnt prove that they need you in theirs.