An Anthem, A hallelujah song

He thinks that he deserves an anthem, a hallelujah song while he touches women in ways that he thought others couldn't. He deserves options and women to claw at his hardened heart in heat. A woman who gets down on her knees and proves her worthiness to him. A woman taken for granted, wanting, ready, waiting. A woman blinded by heavy breathing and tangled up sheets; wrapped around legs that are wrapped around each other. A woman who obeys and pleases, never says no. He thinks he deserves more than he is worth of. A prize, all access to sweet insides and nights spent moaning. He thinks he deserves one night stands filled with one hello and one goodbye. Meetings in the back of the car that leave windows foggy and her gone by the ending. Less talking, more doing. He thinks he deserves these moments where she lets him deep inside her only sacred space. He is not worthy. He is not worthy of spaces that feel the most. The parts of her body that are most vulnerable. He is not worthy of legs spread open, waiting, wanting. He is not worthy of her on her back while he does what he pleases. Not worthy of moaning, tangled up sheets with no sunrise spent together promised. He will not buy her flowers, leave her cute notes, or kiss her cheek when she is feeling down. He will not stay forever or stay until they grow old together. He has nothing to give for an all access VIP pass. He has nothing to give her for the sacrifice of her sacred place. He has nothing to giver her yet he deserves an anthem, a hallelujah song for what? This is not solely a mans job, dedicated to those who have a penis. He deserves nothing for he is not worthy. He has nothing more to offer than she can already give. She deserves an anthem, a hallelujah song.

Phoenix rising

They spit fire at us with gasoline surrounding our feet. Trying to light us up and burn us to the ground. Don't speak like that, dont stand up for yourself like that, dont wear that they say with hatred in their eyes and cold breezes running through their hearts. You asked for it they tell the girl who was raped while wearing a full body suit. It was in your eyes they say. Somewhere along this path we become the weak ones, the ones asking for hatred, to be scarred and broken form within. Women are dying everywhere but they are still alive, dying on the inside, shattered and damaged. We shout for justice with lungs that only produce a whisper. When will they hear us? When will our small roars be loud enough? We shout in the faces of men who created similar sins so they could care less. Our voices are silenced but our hearts are not. This world was built by hands of monsters who take what wasn't given to them and run free. Women all over the world are tired of feeling oppressed we seek liberation, finally its not from the heart of a man, as men are the oppressors. We seek liberation for what men define us as because we didn't ask for it. We will speak like that, we will stand up for our-self just like that, and we will wear whatever the hell we want because hatred was the fire we were built upon and it stopped burning long ago. -M.D.L

Self care

Don’t go thirsty trying to water a plant that’s already dead. -M.D.L

Shards and pieces

Being broken is hard, but tell me how many times have you chosen to be broken over being whole? You can’t complain about the hole you dug and stuck youself in simply because someone else handed you a shovel-M.D.L

Better Off Without You

I Found myself once I lost you. How dare you call me back, asking me to lose myself again. I made myself small for you, shrunk down my words, swallowed my sentences. Now I'm speaking, shouting, screaming and you are upset about what is being said? Honey, you should have realized you couldn't kill me even though you thought I was better off dead. -M.D.L

Cry Me a River

If I had a place to keep all the tears I have cried over a man I would have a damn ocean to drown them all in- M.D.L

Wolf in Sheep Clothing

He wrapped himself in new skin with a big smile on his face, carrying the same insides around like heavy luggage under his facade. He knocked on my door, begging me to let him in because he's "different" this time. I thought to myself, when is he going to stop with this charade? Better question was, when was I going to stop falling for it? -M.D.L

Writing Prompts

You bound my hands behind my back, you took away my freedom and told me what I lacked. You didn't know what you had coming, if I were you I would have started running. My powers were greater than you could see. Don't worry darling you will remember me. I stole your heart from the very start, lit a match to it and called it art. You thought you could conquer all that I am, make me silent and call me your little lamb. I'm not a lamb in this story you see, you are the only one who wasn't free. You thought you could burn me up in flames, tear me down and destroy my name. You forgot one part of this story that cannot be undone, the witch doesn't burn, no not in this one. -M.D.L

because "love yourself" is not as easy.

I have loved so many different people in deep, soul aching ways. I have loved so many people I forgot to love myself. Who is going to love me? I am afraid no matter how far I stretch my heart there will never be room for me inside it. My heart is the giving kind, not the taking and I do not know how to come back from that.-M.D.L

What is Depression, Heavy.

Things are too much and I am crashing. I feel so heavy. Everything is heavy,the movement of my body, my feelings, words. Everything is something yet nothing at all and I feel broken down, withered, worn thin. I cry on the way home, with the radio turned up in case someone in the car next to me can hear my wailing sobs because they are loud and gut wrenching. The strangers see it, the tears streaming down my face so I turn my head because I know that feeling anything is not acceptable and pain is too much for strangers to bare, hell its too much for me to bare. Everything is heavy and I am sitting with it all like a ball bouncing around my insides. This life is heavy and I just dont know if I can carry it around on my shoulders anymore. I don't feel like I have to, if I just put it down for a second I am sure it would still be there. If I could just give it to someone else to hold for awhile I would be ecstatic. However this is not how life works, I can not abandon it at its darkest. It follows me around like a shadow casting on a wall in a dim lit room. Life is me, and I am it. There is no escaping the heaviness the sobbing, the shit of it all. There is no where to turn when I have been weighed down by the heaviness of life. So I sit with it, weighing on my shoulders as I sob, as I feel the pain washing down my cheeks with salty, burning drops of water. I cannot escape life, but I can sit down and prop it against the wall of my bedroom while I remember what it was like to not feel it there., when it wasn't so heavy. When life felt like butterflies landing on my shoulders or a blanket draped around me for warmth. Life is heavy and I sometimes feel weak but then I remember that it was once light warming and radiant. It was not always heavy, I was not always weak. One day I will wake up and this will be the case again. I just need to carry it a little longer, life is heavy but it will change and I will grow strength and flowers in my hair as I dance with butterflies and laugh at how heave it once felt. Life needs time to teach me heaviness because without the heaviness I would not know what to compare its light to. -M.D.L

Here in the midst

We fell here. Somewhere between the morning coffee and late night laughs. We landed here, In a world full of fights and name calling. We ended here and I don’t even remember how. We ended in a place that is shattered. Love doesn’t exist here and so I question if it exists to begin with.... love seems fleeting, always leaving when we need it the most. -M.D.L

Luna 🌙

She spoke in shards of words and told stories of living in a great unknown where love flourished. Where the death of hate was used as soil to grow flowers in rows and rows of gardens. She spoke of a world inside her head that no one knew existed. She spoke of happiness like it was long ago and shook her head solemnly. She shook her head at happiness like it died and took it with her deep down into the soil of a garden that sat behind a white picket fence of her childhood home. She told me she died with love, with happiness and was born again. She was the moon and she whispered secrets of these unknown worlds into the pit of my soul through the light of her surface. She was half and then whole and then half again and I too could relate. I too was made of many worlds and many halves and wholes. I was her and she was me, and maybe for a spilt second we were one as she whispered her stories and shed her light upon my now awakened soul. -M.D.L

Thoughts I forgot to tell you

Everyone makes the heartbreaker out to be the villain, the awful monster. I cannot fathom the thought that another human being could have that much power.. that another human being could want to devastate, break, to shatter someone into such tiny pieces. I cannot comprehend that at one point in time the heart breaker wasn’t so whole heartedly in love too. Sometimes things break on accident, sometimes people break on accident too. After all, we are all humans here..I forgive you for being more of a monster than you thought you were. Thoughts I forgot to tell you -M.D.L

Engulfed in loss

You were thrashing in the water, gasping for air and clawing at the waters surface. You were drowning and coughing and gasping, the gasping scared me the most. The water was the sea and it was bigger than me and I just stood and watched you. Watched you fight to live. I couldn't do anything else. I was standing on the surface, panicking, yelling your name. Screaming over the sound of the waves smacking the shoreline and against my legs. I was screaming so hard my throat was burning and my voice was turning raspy and soon enough it turned into a whisper. You were sinking now, going down deep into the abyss slowly. You stopped thrashing. You stopped the terrible gasping noises that made my heart thump against the outside layers of my chest. You were gone. Just like that. Something bigger took you from me. Something scarier. Something more powerful than I had ever been. I stood at the waters edge and watched for a sign you were still out there. Nothing. No sign. Just the sound of the waves smacking the shoreline and roaring like a caged animal. I woke up sweaty and heaving, crying, my throat sore. It was the first dream I had about losing you and it would be the last. You were gone. Life took you from me when I needed you the most and I could do nothing but watch. This life was the sea and there's not a damn thing I could do but watch you drown in it. -M.D.L.