Man
whore. That is what he called himself. I saw him differently, I have since I met him. I always fall for those. Shut off emotionally, jaded men. He told me "I enjoy you" and I never quite knew what he meant. "I enjoy you" I repeated it often to myself when I was alone contemplating what exactly it meant. How many people in my life can "enjoy me"? How many people can I enjoy? I came to the conclusion that there are a lot of people I enjoyed to be around. You can enjoy anyone cant you? You can enjoy that stranger who tells you they like your red and white sweater. The words made me feel like an option, like its something that is everchanging. There are two definitions to the word "enjoy" one is to take delight or pleasure in an activity or occasion. Was I an activity, an occasional fling? The second definition of the word enjoy is to possess or beneift from. I did not like the thought of being a possession or used to benefit from. I want a relationship that is lit on fire. I want to be more than enjoyed, but often I find myself settling, settling into the new position of an "enjoyment." It wasnt about this single man calling me an enjoyment it was about every man i have ever met calling me an enjoyment/ showing that I was an enjoyment in their own subtle ways. I want to tell you that its important to not settle. You are not an event, a short lived occasion. You are worth your weight in diamonds and anyone who decides to dumb you down, or treat you less than that needs to leave. There is a certain aspect to being valued, to someone telling you, yes I like you. Yes I want to be with you and work on this relationship, yes I want to grow with you. Anyone can enjoy you, but it takes a strong man/woman to open up their heart and like you, to show you what you are worth. Wait for that person, the person who can bring to the table just as much as you can give. People who "enjoy you" are the people who teach you, who make you open your eyes to what you want. They are wonderful stepping stones for your growth but they are not a long term promise. Cherish those who tell you they enjoy you but also realize that you are not allowed to settle for less than great. This is your life and you deserve a love that is ingulfed in fire and passion. Those who give you fire and passion are not those who simply enjoy things they are the ones who wear their hearts on their sleeves and love the moments.
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