God...
I have been alone for quite awhile haven't I? I guess you can't count that one night stand and the time I asked someone to come over just to hold me, but we have those moments moments of complete and utter aloneness. I was walking my dog tonight and realized how much I could breathe.. How I didn't have to worry about anyone and their shit or shitty excuses. it was just me and my dog and then the church sprinklers turned on soaking us both and I laughed until I cried because it's little things. Its not so much about some one to hold me... Its about being able to laugh on your own, at yourself in the middle of a funny moment. I realized after that moment, after screaming and running soaking wet that I have the power to make myself happy I can laugh and it feels pretty fucking good. It feels good not to miss someone. Not to wonder constantly what they are doing. It feels good to let go. I never thought that would be something I could say. I thought I would search for love forever. I want to thank you for letting go of me, for hurting me so bad, for teaching me that I will never find love in the arms of someone else, but in my own arms. I am a fucking warrior princess and I have finally saved myself. I am alive, the most alive I have ever been. When love is hard for you to find, open your own heart, look in the mirror and arise to the task of loving yourself because if you don't got you, who do you got? Laugh, smile, breakdown, have one night stands, call someone to hold you, run through the sprinklers this is what finding yourself looks like. Embrace everything but whatever you do, don't look back, this is growing there is no room for past mistakes. Go get em tiger!
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