When
your very first long time friendship falls apart try not to cry, actually I take that back. Cry as much as you want because it hurts I know. Its like your first serious breakup all over again. You never thought you and your ride or die, stand by you forever, friendship would end but sometimes with adulthood they do end. The friendship cant survive under the weight of life and its the most horrible thing to ever happen. Mine ended at the first of this month, when I made a decision, a decision that I didn't want to pretend any longer that the inevitable was happening. My best friend and I had been growing apart for months and months, no more long phone calls, hardly any texts, we started fighting about not talking constantly. I was starting to not even know who she was, maybe it was my fault, maybe it was hers or maybe I can just blame it on life itself. She is on a different level of life than I am, she has a beautiful little girl and will soon be getting married to the love of her life, but me, I wont be there to attend (I don't think I am invited any longer). I took myself off of the maid of honor duty... I started to feel like I wasn't included in the wedding, I started to feel like I was asked to help plan a wedding for someone I hardly knew. I felt misplaced, pushed away, used, and really really sad. I am not blaming her, I love her with all my heart. I am blaming our growth as individuals. I am growing into the young adult I have been trying to be, with attending two schools and juggling work and family time and she is growing into a woman, a woman I really do admire. She has bought a house, is settling down with someone special, maybe that's why we avoid talking.... our lives are just so different now maybe we can no longer relate to one another and that is what life does to you. I was crushed to be the bad guy, to tell her how much the pretending to be close was killing me. Her response will forever be in my head repeating itself; "Shows me what seven years of friendship means to you Meag" it killed me, every second of it, the fact that she has now deleted me off of Facebook, the fact that she is angry at me for a friendship that had already started to end and wasn't my fault. It ended the moment we stopped talking for whatever reason, the moment we stopped confiding in each other and calling each other when we were sad, stressed, or even happy. I am just as angry as she is for the loss of our friendship, I am angry about how much I feel replaced by a man she loves, how much she no longer confides in me and confides in him instead. I am angry that I cant understand that because I have never been in love, I have never attempted marriage or moved in with anyone. I cannot begin to understand what she is going through because I have never been there but I also couldn't continue to try so hard to understand when life would push me away from her. One of the friendships I hold most dearest to my heart has ended... and my life will forever be changed by that. I will always love my best friend because no matter what that is what she will be, no matter how much our friendship has died or grown apart. I wish her the very very best in life always. An ending of a friendship is hard, very hard and I hope you never have to experience that or have to be the one to say you are sick of hurting over a friendship that is falling apart. Life isn't always easy and I am sorry for that, but the hard moments are what gives us strength just remember that. People enter and leave your life for a reason weather you like it or not, embrace it.
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