Basically Basic

Its funny 

how he looked at her and told her he was basic. She is always so frustrated with him, with his want to be perfect.  He doesn't see himself how she sees him, perfect, already flawless. When she first met him she didn't think she stood a chance, he had perfect skin, perfect hair and a perfect smile. How could someone like her even stand a chance? Her hair was always out of place, she got zits from stressing and her smile was quirky and out of place on her round face. She would often look at him and then look at herself and wonder what happened, how did she get so lucky? She would smack him when he made his "I'm just basic, I didn't want to be just basic so I got contacts, and I am bloated" comments. She didn't think he saw, really saw what she did. The thing about him was that he was as perfect on the inside as he was on the outside. He would open every car door for her, bring her breakfast, believed in equality and taking turns on driving to see each other, he respected her, never pushed her. Those are the things she saw when she looked at him, with his perfect hair, his muscular body and his contact filled eyes. She could see right through him, through the good looks and the dramatic facial expressions he would make to look sexy or mysterious. He couldn't hide from her. She liked him without the contacts and when he was drooling in his sleep, he seemed more real then, more human. She got so frustrated with his comments because little did he know how "basic" she felt standing next to him, holding his hand. She was average, there were a million other girls out there who looked just like she did, in her sweaters and scarves and her crazy hair. She looked like nothing special and she knew that and she was okay with it. He on the other hand, was someone the girls probably loved, he was different, was fit and perfect to the T all the time. How could someone not love that? He was a spitting image of what society says you should look like. Maybe she couldn't handle the perfection, and the want he had for it. She would never ever be perfect, never tanned, never perfect hair, and never perfect skin. She loved herself that way though, she loved not blending in to all the other girls because she didn't wear ten pounds of make up she didn't wear crop tops and tight pants, not having to be perfect for anyone because she loved herself for who she was and she hoped that maybe he could too. She knew he didn't need his perfect hair, perfect skin, or perfect body for her to like him. That's not what she really liked him for anyways. She knew over time his body would change, grow old and wrinkly, but she also knew that his personality would stay the same. The man who made her laugh, who opened her door and respected her decisions would always be there. She could love anyone for their perfect body but then would it really be love? Love consists of taking someones soul and soaking it in. He is not, in any way, shape, or form "basic". He understands what she needs and where she is coming from. He takes no for what it is, no without being pushy or needing an explanation. He makes her laugh and makes her want to try new things and there is nothing basic or just normal about that. The real definition of "basic" is forming an essential foundation. Maybe she agrees with him on that, he is building an essential foundation of what she should be treated like and she definitely cannot complain about that. Maybe we are all a little basic to someone else, maybe we are all just "normal" and its about finding someone who sees past that, who defines "basic" differently . Maybe we are all basic, and maybe, just maybe that is okay.

The last kiss

He kissed me like the last person he would ever kiss.
Even though I doubted I was the last, I wanted to be.
I filled my senses with his smell
and felt him laugh against my
cheek, full of breath, full of life. I wanted to frame the moment,
of him laughing and me blushing the color of my mothers red dress
she would wear on a cool spring day. I was a melting pot of feelings
and he was the bowl I melted into. I wanted to touch his cheek and remind
him of what it felt like to be loved, what it felt like to melt. I wanted to
remind him of what it felt like to be lost in a sea of another person, to be
swallowed up whole in the length of my arms. I wanted to remind him of
what it felt like to be kissed into a daydream that involved only him and I.
 If only I had that kind of power, I wanted to be powerful.
I wanted to engulf him into my fast beating heart
and keep him there,
forever.
Forever is what I wanted for us, for him, for me.
A forever kind of love that was bonded together by his laugh and my
good luck. He reminded me of what it felt like to be whole, to float on
every breath he took, to dance in his warm feelings,
of what it felt like to be worth loving.  He reminded me that he
was like a storm,swallowing up my soul like it had always been his to take.
He kissed me like the last person he would ever kiss.
Even though I doubted I was the last, I wanted to be.
Oh how I wanted to be.


-Meaghan

Getting Naked

Learning

to love being naked. Yes that's a thing. I once decided to take a picture of myself almost naked. (Bra and underwear style.) no I was NOT going to send it to anyone. I just wanted to know what it would feel like to live on that sort of edge. What it felt like to be that vulnerable, to actually stare at myself and to be a "model" I guess. For one, my bedroom lighting sucked so I looked almost orange. I also was the one holding my camera so that made things a little difficult and a little blurry (maybe I take the whole model style idea back). It also was very awkward to try and be sexy, I felt like that was needed in this type of almost naked photo. I tried twisting and contorting my body and face in a sexy manner, I ended up looking constipated and like I had wayy more fat on my body then I actually do. I am currently in the middle of reading a book called Not That Kind of Girl and in it the author (Lena Dunham) talks about a scenario just like the one I was having, except she was involved in sex videos which is a much more awkward situation. (Its a great book,definitely check it out if your not afraid of sex, love, life,and woman issues) Anyways sorry about the little side note. There I was, trying to be sexy in the almost naked photo of myself. Okay, I cant really say photo its more like photo(s) with an "s" I took a ton because I didn't feel like any of them was quite good enough at first.I turned so just my butt was facing the camera/ full body mirror, thinking that would make me feel better since I couldn't see my own face staring at me. I then turned so it was a full on frontal of my almost naked self. It felt strange and I felt vulnerable, you know the type of vulnerable you get even when changing in your room alone, you just want to cover yourself up  and never look at yourself naked again. I never understood why people get like that, what made me hate my body? I never remember waking up one day and saying "hey, I am not going to be comfortable in my own skin today"  I remember staring at the pictures and pointing out the things I disliked about them, my big hips, not so skinny waist, all my bumps and bruises. I remember times when I would see other people naked (sometimes, well most the time, not on purpose) they would always cover up their bodies and slam the door or scream (I am talking about family members or friends being in a room changing and not locking the door, oops!)like what they had to offer was much more different and alien then what I had, like we didn't have the same bodies. Who taught us to do that? Who said that it was bad to see other people naked even though we all have the same body parts? Who said it was bad to see yourself naked to not be comfortable in your own skin? The longer I stood there taking my candid "girls gone wild" photos the more comfortable I got seeing myself in the state of almost nakedness. I started to notice things that I liked about my body such as my strong legs, my nice rounded butt. I thought to myself, hey this isn't too bad! Why have I always been afraid of looking in the mirror while I am changing, why have I always bee afraid to face this kind of vulnerability. If you want to discover what you love about yourself, capture yourself in a state of being vulnerable, (Naked!) I figured if I could love myself naked then I could love myself in any way, shape or form. I am now not afraid to stand in front of a mirror and pinpoint the little things I love about my own body. Naked photos are a thing society is against, why? Because it shows a hint of vulnerability, it shows you giving yourself away no secrets to hide anymore, it shows you are comfortable with what you have. My almost naked photos are something that saved my self -esteem. I now would walk around my house naked if i could! Do not be afraid to be naked in all aspects of your life. Nakedness+Vulnerability=Learning to love yourself and learning to love others.   I do not condone sharing your naked (or almost naked photos) that is NOT what I am saying, I condone loving yourself exactly the way that you were made, flaws and all. Hooray for naked photos only sent to yourself, those are the best kind. Be comfortable in your own skin. Celebrate your own body, your beautiful!

I look GOOOD

There's

those days when you look in the mirror and your like, DARNN! I look gooood. Today for me was one of those days, besides the fact that my hair didn't go in the perfect braid I wanted, I was happy it actually fit in one barely (which took tons of bobby pins and hairspray) its finally getting long enough and that was an accomplishment in and of itself! It will probably fall out by the end of the day and I will look like someone who got in a fight with a blow dryer that's on high setting but I think I will survive (maybe). My make up will still be on point so that is still going for me, and my choice of colored clothes (something besides my usual black wardrobe) will up the hotness too. That's something you have to do sometimes, look at the plus sides of situations, remember that there is some good somewhere deep down in the dirt of feisty situations.Plus, my mom always told me I also have a great personality so that will always be there for the back up factor of  the chance that I actually don't look as good as I think (highly unlikely). No one has told me I look good today, except that one guy who stared at me from his car that was driving next to mine on my way to work as I was singing..I  am pretty sure that he should've at least crashed into one island or light post for staring to much. Unfortunately he didn't and the stares continued (he was old, and I avoided all eye contact). I guess that was a questionable moment where there was either something on my face or I actually wasn't kidding about looking good. I like to think I am somewhat attractive, with my medium length hair (that barely fits into a braid now!) and clumsiness I get from probably my mother since she is blonde (sorry to all those blondes out there, not trying to make a blonde joke). That's right I am one of those people who cant wear white, even if its before or after labor day, however that saying goes (do you blondes feel better now? I am brunette, but I am just like you!) I also rock glasses like a nerd, not those fake glasses without the lenses because I have no idea why anyone would want to fake that their eyes are broken. Unfortunately, my eyes are actually broken, I discovered it after months of driving at night and not being able to see the driveway to most places. (I blamed it on my windshield, go figure) it was in fact my eyes, my left one to be exact. (astigmatisms SUCK!) therefore I wear glasses which kind of make me feel like a librarian. Why do most people, including me associate glasses with librarians... ? I will never know, but here I am medium length hair, blue eyes, glasses, not wearing black clothing (like I said, for once!) and I feel fabulous, like a librarian should. Just joking, I am not a librarian. I am a receptionist (close enough!) I have never woken up and felt so fabulous in my life (scratch that.. wait. There was one other time and that was my senior year prom due to the fact that I got to wear a fancy dress and look like a princess) I thought to myself whats different today than normal? Have I been losing weight? (no not really, I probably gained some since Thanksgiving!) Has my face all of the sudden changed? (pah, highly unlikely... hello big zit I got overnight!) Then it hit me... I have been feeling different. Different in the sense that I feel more comfortable in my own skin, I feel comfortable with who I am (imagine that!) I can say I am looking good and that's okay to do! Its okay to love myself. (Why am I just barely realizing this?!) I have been through so much and I have spent so much time not liking myself, not looking in the mirror and saying DARNN I look good! Even with my hair that barely fits in my braid, with my glasses, my overnight zit. I look good on the outside because on the inside I have never felt more like myself. I have never felt so clumsy, so unlikely to wear white, so lonely,so vulnerable, and so willing to love myself regardless of all of these things. Remember no matter what your skin looks like, no matter of what you see on the outside you look gooooood! :)

Single as a Pringle

People

have always told me that I will find that one guy who will make my heart beat faster and I will fall madly in love. What they never did tell me was the time I would spend alone before that happened. The time it took to find this "one guy." I used to feel like finding him was such an urgent thing, that I needed him in my life right now in order for my life to be prefect and dreamy. I spent time and effort searching and trying to mold men into this perfect soul mate of mine. I used to hate the questions of "why don't you have a boyfriend?!" The world made me feel like I needed another person, a man to be complete. I discovered something else. I discovered and I am still discovering more things alone about myself then I would've if I was in a relationship. I think that is the power of being alone, finding yourself.


1. The first thing I discovered is that its okay to be lonely, Its okay to feel sad because your are the only one of your friends who is not in a relationship or married. That is natural. But what isn't okay is finding the first person you see and clinging onto them out of loneliness, spending every second with them because you don't want to be alone. Stop that. Go home, make some tea, cry if you have to and go to bed alone. You will feel much better about waking up alone the next day then with a stranger, trust me.

2. Stay busy! I don't care what you do, go to the movies by yourself, have a girls night, go shopping. Stay busy because you should be living life! This is your time to do whatever you want! Even if that consists of watching every Netflix movie and venting to your sister about all the ice cream you just ate. Do it! Its better than sitting around moping in your loneliness.

3. Do not be afraid to face yourself. This is a big one, especially for me. Being alone means learning to love yourself, which means you have to spend a lot of the time with yourself, even if you don't like it. It will get easier to go to bed alone, to wake up and realize that your going to spend whatever holiday coming up next alone. You might even find it kind of nice in the long run! Hang in there, being alone isn't always bad and facing yourself means learning your own strengths and weaknesses, so do it no matter how strange and different it might feel.


4. Realize that you can say no. You do not have to sleep with anyone, date anyone, be with anyone, spend time with anyone if you do not want to. No is a powerful word and should be used whenever you feel necessary, Its okay to not want to do something, to respect yourself and to not feel bad for doing so. You control your own life so say no every once in awhile, set boundaries and learn the respect that you have and that others should have for you as well. Saying no does not make you a mean person.

5. Don't try to change people. People do NOT change unless they are willing to and want to. Do not try to change someone to fit your idea of a perfect soul mate, the right person wont need changing and if you are patient enough that right person will show up some day. Don't hurt yourself by trying to change someone who doesn't want to, that just means they are not the one and you should move along.

6. Don't take your grandma asking you a million times when you are going to get married as a sign that you are living life all wrong. She just wants to see you happy, and I think she will understand if that means yoga, college, or finding yourself! Just explain to grandma (and everyone else) that you are doing some soul searching first. They might even get a little jealous that you can be so independent! Loneliness isn't a bad thing!


7. Do not dwell on the fact that you are alone. Do not ask yourself whats wrong with you or why no one can love you. Its not a matter of why you aren't loved, its a matter of who is loving you! You are missing the fact that you love you, your family loves you, and your closest friends love you! Isn't that enough? It should be, and if its not maybe you should do some self evaluating as to why you don't feel like it is. Love comes in all different forms and sometimes the form of love that you need isn't exactly the kind you ask for but its enough trust me!

8. Remember to laugh, sometimes it gets hard and you feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, no one to hold you, no one to talk to. This is when you need to remember to laugh! Go have a good time! Read funny quotes on the Internet, stop taking life so seriously! Dance like no one is watching, call your sister or a family member and tell them how you feel so that they can cheer you up! Being single shouldn't be about realizing that your single and lonely, it should be about realizing that your single and free! Free to be whoever you want, to let go, to not have the responsibility of making someone else happy, just make yourself happy!

9. Stop pushing things to happen, If someone bails on that first date you planned together, let them! They are missing out on a great opportunity anyways. Don't have hard feelings towards them, its their loss! You shouldn't have to force people to see you, to like you, or to want to be with you! Let things happen naturally, love isn't something you have to push for, its not on a set agenda.


10. Lastly, Just be yourself!! Stop spending every second trying to find that special someone and just live your life! The time will come when you meet someone special but right now you have time to live for you! Which means to let love happen when it happens, stop going out of your way to find it and just enjoy loving yourself first! No one says you cant be single and enjoy it. There are many perks of being in a relationship, but there are also many perks about being single, so be single!! Go have fun and be yourself, stop dreading being alone and embrace it! Go find yourself, you rebel!

Love yours truly. :)