My parents
(my dad and my step mom) have been married/engaged for fourteen years. Fourteen years!! Now I say married/engaged because they have never really had a "real" wedding. They have never stood at an alter and said "I do" but I feel like they knew that they didn't need that to love each other, unconditionally, forever. Watching them as I grow up has taught me a lot about love. A lot about the fact that love is forgiving. Love forgives over and over again. I think the act of love is mostly that, learning to forgive and accept people even with their faults. They both screw up, they both get mad at each other and yell and tell each other that they suck but at the end of the day they go to bed together, laughing and telling each other they love each other. I want a love like that. I want a love that is messy, yet it never gives up. They have been together for fourteen years and I have never, not even once seen them not hold hands through the grocery store. I have never, not once seen them not kiss each other at least once a day. Their love is undying. They are always smiling and loving each other by the end of the day, no matter how hard it might seem. It is not always perfect, but no one told us that love was perfect. In fact I think that is just something we make up in our head, some vision we think love should be. It shouldn't be though because if it was you wouldn't have to make choices, you wouldn't have to choose everyday to love someone, you would just love them and that would make everything too easy, it would make love boring and dull. I want a love I have to fight for, a love I have to even fight with. Do not expect someone you love to be perfect, I mean has your parents, siblings, grandparents, been perfect? No. Yet you still love them, you still forgive them, so why would you expect your significant other to be perfect? My grandma and grandpa have been married for forty something years, they do not sleep in the same bed or the same room because my grandpa has MS (Multiple Sclerosis) and it is hard for him to sleep, yet their love is very much alive, very much undying. No matter how many times my grandpa runs into my grandmas nice painted walls with his wheelchair and says he's sorry every time, she loves him. Even though she has to bathe him everyday, and cut his hair with the clippers as he falls asleep sitting up in his wheelchair every other Tuesday, she still tells him she loves him every time she leaves the house. Love is forgiveness, it is taking the bad and saying all that bad, all that work is worth the end result. It is worth the hand holding, the I love yous, the laughs and the ability to spend time with one person for the rest of your life. My grandparents have been with each other longer than they have been alone. Think about that. They have been next to each other day by day, longer than they have spend days alone, and they are happy with that. They are more than happy. Their love is hard, it is a lot of work for my grandma since my grandpa cannot do a lot by himself. A lot of people ask my grandma how she does it and how she hasn't just walked away yet. She always looks at them as if they are crazy and says, because I love him, how could I possibly leave my husband who I love, like that, in his state alone? That would be selfish of me wouldn't it? That is always her answer, love. It doesn't matter that my grandpa can no longer walk, that he has night terrors, he cant make his own meals and he is losing his eyesight, my grandma has undying love for him. For everything that he is, the caring man that he is. That is true love to me, sacrificing easy moments you could have alone for hard ones to help and support someone else. Love is undying, no matter the circumstances, Love is all about how much you can live with, Love is forgiveness, an act of selflessness. Love is taking someone for the good the bad, the ugly and loving them through it all. Love is forgiveness and I want a love that is forgiving, a love that is undying, a love like my parents and grandparents.
Grandma
what am I supposed to do when you keep showing up? A couple months ago I wrote about a Robin, a tiny little Robin that would come to the tiny tree outside my work at the same time everyday. I was, and still am convinced that it was my grandma, coming to say hello. Recently it has become cold, snowy and rainy, winter is coming. I had not seen the Robin for a couple months and it was making me sad. I just kept telling myself that my grandma was busy, that she was helping others and couldn't always send the Robin to sit outside my work window. The first snowfall came a couple weeks ago and I knew for sure there would be no more birds around, no more Robin, and no more grandma in that form. I went home on a Friday night a couple weeks ago, and came back that Monday and in that same little tree, on the same little branch that the Robin used to sit was a birds nest! A tiny little birds nest. I thought I was going to cry with excitement! Birds don't make nests in tiny little trees in the beginning of a cold winter!! My grandma had the little Robin leave a nest, to show me that she is here always, through everything. This little nest has survived winds,and all the current snow storms, hanging on by a little branch in a little tree. It sits there still today, reminding me that I am not and will not ever be alone. Its not as exciting to watch as the little Robin ruffling its feathers, but it makes me smile every single time I see it hanging on to its little branch. I did some research and not all robins fly south for the winter, Robins usually travel by food source, not climate. It is possible that the little Robin made the nest but I wasn't seeing any birds, no birds were coming or going into the little tree. It was bare, almost bare of leaves and had nothing but the little nest in it. I am so happy that the birds nest is there! I took the time to stop all my co workers walking through the lobby to point it out, many of them told me how strange it was that a bird would start building a nest right before winter and i gleamed ear to ear and agreed. Little did they know that an angel built that nest. Today, I sat looking and checking to see if the nest was still there and I noticed something moving in the tree, so I looked closer. I couldn't tell if it was just a leaf or something else, I stared for a long moment. Then I realized, it was a little Robin, sitting, staring right at me! It took everything in me to not start crying. I see you grandma, I see what your doing. Just when I feel alone and like I cant handle things you send me a Robin and it makes me feel like I could conquer the world! People might think I am crazy, but I feel it. I feel the love that overwhelms me when that little Robin is sitting in the tree. Life is about noticing the little things and realizing that the big things are often disguised as these little things. I am so thankful to have such a wonderful guardian angel. Remember that "Robins" are everywhere, even sometimes when you don't notice them or realize that its happening. There is always someone watching over you, guiding you. The little Robin let me get right up to the tree and take a picture, but the lighting wasn't very good, I also took a picture of the birds nest when I first saw it a couple weeks ago (images are on the right) I hope you enjoy the "Robins" in your life like I enjoy the "Robins" in mine.
