Home

I walk into our home and you have incense burning. It smells like smoke and rotting pumpkins and I want so badly to tell you that it doesn't smell like home but this is home which is absoultely confusing to my brain. You have the incense burning and I'm burning on the inside wanting badly to pull you in close,put my nostrils up to your shirt to escape the smell that fills this house. I want to smell you, my actual home. I want to be draped across your lap like a french gril on a fancy vaction and bask in your aroma. I come further inside our home that doesn't smell like home and you finally pull me in close enough that our bodies could be mistaken for one body. I smell you and I get flashbacks of our lives. Our first kiss, your morning dances, the way your hair lays across your forehead when you first wake up, our afternoon walks. I'm utterly postive now that I am home, wrapped up inside your arms standing in our kitchen. It's funny how a smell can mean everything, how the smell of you could hold so much space inside my heart. I relax inside your arms and repeat inside my head I am home, I am home, this is home. You are my home and I'll always perfer the smell of you over incense. -M.D.L

I’ll love you through the realms

I wonder who you are when your soul is tired of searching for me in all the realms but this one. Did you ever even love me here in this existence? Did your heart scream for me in words "I love you" or was I just a convienience for your boredom? I’ll always be sure that I loved you, here in this now but how can you love someone who has no clue how to love you back in their current form. Is love worth it if it exists somewhere between here and all that could be? If it’s not promised in this life but maybe the next.. I’ll never be certain. Our love wasn’t born for this world, it wasn’t wrapped up in a pretty little bow and handed to us. It was drug through the mud, spit out and chewed up. So much so that I am not sure it exists outside my own heart. I’m not sure it ever could survive here in this life. Maybe in the next life your love will set my soul on fire and I’ll forget I ever doubted its existence in the first place. Maybe in the next life we won’t have missed out on what was meant for us. Just not now, not here in this current phase. In this phase our love is grasped under our finger tips only to float into the abyss slowly. It cannot be captured with quick hands, it passes us by like the seasons. My heart yearning and yours running so fast I can’t tell it was here in the first place. Love is finicky and requires the right place, right time and this universe never gave us that. In the next life maybe we will “just know” but in the here and now I’ll continue to miss what could have been. I’ll continue to miss a love that never got the chance to exist because this world was to harsh to our hearts.