My love

Sometimes the love I have for you gets trapped inside my body. It can’t escape my lips to form perfect poetic sonnets and crucifies itself on my uvula instead. It can’t pour out of my fingertips to touch your skin, perfectly, lightly causing goosebumps to rise on your arms like mountains. I am not the best lover, I’m lost in deep madness often which can shift and bend thoughts inside my head like a forever turning kaleidoscope. I want the love to escape me, to land on you softly caressing your soul because you deserve the world or at least the sacrificial giving of my soul. I love you through it all, the shifting and bending of my mind. I love you when my words say differently, when my volume is turned up and spitting anger from my lips at you for insignificant things. Even then, my heart whispers love, love, love trying to calm the passion that rages and boils in my gut. Love is tricky inside this body of mine. My body is greedy, afraid and menacing, it wants to keep the love I made to itself, avoiding vulnerability. The love inside me is refusing to be strangled and mauled by fear, it fights to escape and regurgitate itself to you. It was made for you, this love inside me. It escapes in bits and pieces, in fragments of “have a good day”, “drive safely”. My love for you is deep and I feel it here often, it exists and it comes in big waves to remind me. In case this love never escapes in the way I want it to, in case you don’t feel it deep within the marrow of your bones, I hope you know I’m choking on the love I have for you all the time. My soul screams to touch yours. Because with out love we have nothing -M.D.L