Rain Dance

You

entered into my life like a rainstorm, first silent and then loud.
Your heartbeat became my rhythm and your body became my rain dance.
You became a storm I soaked myself in.
Standing in my sun felt more like a drought than a reward, I was prepared to drown in you.

-M.D.L

Don't Play With Your Food

I handed 

you my heart on a silver platter and watched it burst into flames.
To think that all this time you said you didn't play games.
You lit my heart ablaze, with one single match and whispered in
my ear,
"silly girl, this is why you dont get too attached."

-M.D.L

Penciling in Love

Who says

that we can plan love. I dislike those people who go around saying that "it just wasn't the right timing', "I cannot commit to you in this time of my life" or "I am just not ready". When do you ever have time to prepare for love? When was it a scheduled event that you pencil into your calendar and tell yourself that "by this date, I will love you, I will commit." Screw that and all the cop out excuses. Tell me the real reason. Tell me that you are hurting that you are scared, that the last relationship you were in tore you to pieces and left you crumbled. Tell me the damn truth because I deserve that dont I? Speaking of deserving, dont you dare tell me what I deserve. "You deserve more than I can give you" I know what I deserve and its my choice on if I find it or if I settle. It is not your decision to tell me what I deserve. Are you telling me this to make yourself feel better, to make yourself feel like you are doing the right thing? STOP. stop planning, stop justifying. because whether its today, tomorrow or two years from now, whether its with me or someone else, you will fall in love, many times or maybe just once. You will meet someone and you will like them more than you expected and you will have to decide. Are you going to be a coward? Are you going to run, because if you do there is no turning back. You walk out that door and you sever ties. You say things like "it just isn't the right time" "I cant give you what you deserve" "I am trying to find myself" and its over. Just like that. Pain comes with love and if you expect that your cop out excuses will save you, you are dead wrong.  I see right through you. It hurts letting go just as much as it does falling and you are lucky enough if you are able to do it, if you are able to stop the morning texts, the late night conversations, the laughs. Man up, love does not come easy and if you think you are going to schedule it for when "the timing is right", think again. If you walk away you are a coward. A coward for not trying, for not facing the chance of pain dead in the eyes and taking a chance. I was worth it, the chance of love is always worth it. You have survived pain before, you can survive anything you just have to have the guts to jump in and  face it. If you dont, your cop out excuses will not save you. This one, this loss, is on you darling. 

Little Moments

There

Are nights when my apartment is so quiet that I can hear my faucet pattering. I am not sure which faucet, as I have just gotten into bed and my legs ache, oh do they ache from the constant rustling of my day. So, I lay in bed and listen to the faucet slowly dripping and wonder if it's the kitchen sink, bathroom sink, or the bathtub who is the culprit. The point is that my legs ache and I don't care enough about the dripping to stop it.  I listen and almost anticipate when the next drop will hit the cold granite of my sink (I think it's granite). Instead of counting sheep, I count water patters and the seconds between them. The pattering is enterrupted by Jacksens crunching on his dog food and the sound of his collar hitting his bowl. I think its funny that dogs can eat this late, and I also think it's funny that he carries every bite into my bedroom before chewing it as if to tell me he's still here. I wonder if dogs can feel the lonlieness that people radiate.  I wonder if Jacksen knows that this apartment is empty, that it echo's and creaks or that I count the water dripping in between his chomping of food. There is a certain kind of feeling you get whem you are laying in bed contemplating life. There is a separation between you and the world. There is that split second where everything slows down and you can breathe, you can count if you want to. You can sigh your breaths of relaxation and wonder about the little things. As I listen to the pitter patter of my faucet and Jacksen chowing down I realize how much moments like these count. How much the stillness matters. How greatful I am for the little ridiculous moments that make up life.

out with the old, in with the new

People

always tell me that they want the old version of you back.. I dont think they realize that the "old" you is dead and gone. Old versions are called old for a reason; they die off. They become something you cant return to. Maybe you were never the "old" version of yourself. Maybe that was just a shell for this new version of you. You have broken out of that shell now. You are now someone different. SOmeone your parents dont recongize. Someone your siblings are mad at because you were not the example you should have been. Old is comfortable for most people, old is how people reconginze you. I hear stories of you, of how you changed. "She is not the same her, she is desrespectful, crazy, doesnt care about her family". What is the "same" anyways? We all change, moprh into different beings as the world changes us, some changes are good, some terrible. I know people wish for the same "old" you, but I know better.I know that version of you is dead. You died a long time ago when you stopped believing the good in people. When you stopped believing the good in yourself. People change and its not always easy to accept the change. You are not the same "old" you, and I see that. The question is, do you? Do you see what you have become? Do you look in the mirror and still reconginze yourself? Do you care wether you recoginze yourself or not? We are all mourning someone who never was. We are mouring the "old" you. I dont wish for you to come back as the "old" version of yourself because I know that we cannot go backwards. We cannot go back to our childhood and "start over". I dont wish for the old you anymore. I wish for someone much more stronger.

Planting Happy Seeds

Find your roots and plant yourself.

Wrap yourself up in your own vines. Suffocate yourself  with your own sunshine. You are worthy of growth, of blossoming. Find your petals and nuture them, shed your wilting. Let the dead go. This is time for growth. This is your own personal Spring, the time for sunshine is now. Show your pretty face and let the world love you. Dance in the wind, be the care free flower you are. You are worthy of planting. You are worthy of growth so find your roots baby. Find your roots and plant yourself.

-M.D.L

Seeing is Believing

And

That's the thing about you, you say you don't believe in love. That makes you a hiprocrite, you have said I love you a thousand times and you haven't even opened your mouth yet.


-M.D.L